Divorce....the end of a good thing gone bad

Dammnnnnnnn.....I had written this really long ellaborate post expressing my fears and feelings of betrayal but divorce just friggin sucks....bahhh

I can almost guarantee you will heal. I remember the pain and the sadness. But once it was over and I got pass the sad part, the only regret I had was that I hadn't done it sooner. Sometimes, once something goes bad, there's no way to make it good again. No matter how hard you try and how much you want that good feeling back again.

Hugs.

A proud member of PIC = Pudding Inner Core
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Ugh, I just wrote a long post that would make even my worst enemy go "awww".

but April put it best, it'll take time but eventually you'll heal.

Best of luck.

Edit: You could re-name the thread "Divorce, the beginning of a bad thing getting better" if you're feeling chipper.

I had a family law practice for years and literally handled several hundred divorces and related issues, before during and after. So here is some advice from someone who has shared the divorce of many.

It seems the people who invest their time and focus on revenge are the ones who have trouble getting over it and moving on. For example those engaged in constant battles over visitation, or non payment of support because of any variety of grudge reasons, stay locked in the vitriol. That exacerbates the pain making it impossible to truly move on.

Unfortunately when there are children involved divorce doesnt really end the marriage since a broken family unit remains. A non custodial parent remains tied to the kids even though the marital relationship is redefined legally.

It's the most difficult time in your life; and the process you encounter is a form of grieving enhanced with all the other parental and financial issues. Try not to entertain revenge and to remain civil to one another throughout the process, as hard as that may be, it will only make you feel worse.

Sorry for your situation..hugs...

Solid advice. Even if you get divorced you are still parents. An thus should resist the temptaion to get back at your former spouse.

I've been through this twice, the first time was quite painful, and it's been because of our child. I've done the best I can to remain neutral about him where our daughter was concerned, but it's been very hard these last 12 years.

My second one is described best by Taco (I'm fired?! *wah*)..."The beginning of a very bad thing getting very much better!"

You will be fine, you just have to remember that you're doing yourself a favor by getting out now instead of remaining in something that may never ever get better.

Thank you all so much....Luckily there are no kids involved. Well besides our dog but I couldn't keep him from seeing her anyhow as they still love each other even though the love has fizzled out of the humans involved.

I could never seek revenge. It has been over for a long time and though we are not in love anymore I still love him as a person and wish him the best although he could have told me that he was filing for seperation instead of his attorney accidentally leaving a message on the home answering machine....it is the betrayal of trust that really digs into my ribs and screws my brain ya know...but enough about my grrrrrr situation...

Thank you all again for the advice and the sentiments.

I feel for you, as I am going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting past the hurt and I'm ok for a while. Then this wall of pain steps in my way and I am crushed again. We do have a child, which makes the pain that much more painful. Good luck to me and good luck to you. We will get through...lets hope.

Three ideas:

1. Get good counseling

This is a great time for perspective and object viewpoints from an educated third party.

2. Find a good support group

Your friends won't be much help, in fact they'll probably make it worse. A good support group of people going through the same thing (hopefully at different stages, even better perspective) is very very beneficial.

3. Take pleasure in your new found freedoms. I know this is a bit cynical, but spend some time making a list of all the things you couldn't do or were a problem when you were married. Spend a lot of time on that list. Refer back to it. It's a life saver.