The disease, called First-Second Life asymptomatia, or 'Fecond-A' for short, is puzzling investigators prompting the Department of Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge to raise the national threat level from orange to, "Well, somewhere between orange and red, but not really red, cuz like, you know, we're not there yet, but watch out".
The disease was first reported two weeks ago in Lusk. It is believed that the disease combines a victims first-life with their second-life, thus negating both lives and leaving them with no life. The symptoms include a periodic state of comatose, usually occurring between the hrs of 4:00pm and 10:00 pm PST.
Biologists are baffled by the spread of the disease. They are unsure if it is spread through the air, bodily fluids, or over TCP/IP. One thing is for sure, those who live in or have visited the Second Life community are at risk.
President Bush had this to say: "Uh... It's like I said, we will stop the tourists!"
Dr. Noah Shehtman is currently treating one of the victims. He gave a frightening account:
"When the patient came in I was surprised. He looked fine, but once I asked what was wrong I became concerned. He just looked down, held his hands in front of him and his fingers were shaking. I was afraid he was having a seizure so I gave him 500mg of Phenobarbital. That knocked him out real good. As he came to, he started complaining of "lag". I asked him what he meant by "lag", and he started speaking incoherently. Phonetically it sounded like: 'omg u newb jk, ne1 ls w/lag, nvm i gtg relog brb'. At this point he briefly lost conciousness."
While experts continue to search for the cause of the disease HHS has three guidelines to offer:
-First, stock up on calling cards. In the event of a mass infection, they may be your only means of communication.
-Next, develop a "Fecond-A escape plan". This should include teleporting to a landmark in a safe area, and exiting.
-And finally, get a life!!!
Just thought we could use a little humor, with everything else that's been going on lately in SL and RL.
....and yes, I have too much time on my hands.
