The esteemed journal The Bodacious Gazette today named famed SLer Craw Mysterio "Man of the Year" at a gala festival in Paris, France atop the Eiffel Tower. To the amazement of the the crowd, Craw leapt from a jet and parachuted to the tower top with pinpoint precision.
Parisians listened in awe as a vast sound system distributed his perfectly accented acceptance speech across a large section of the Parisian metropolis.
Following the award ceremonies Craw flew to U.N. headquarters to confer with heads of state from around the world. The world leaders were standing in line for hours for a brief conference with the esteemed Mr. Mysterio.
From New York it was off to Washington to give advice to the Attorney General, the Supreme Court , both houses of Congress and the President himself. "We can't thank him enough, " said one Congressman, "Without Craw we'd just be running around like chickens with their heads cut off."
In science news, researcher Craw Mysterio announced he has at long last determined the whereabouts of the so-called "dark matter" that appears to comprise a great deal of the universe. When asked where, he responded that it was really no one's business and that he was investigating commercial applications of this hitherto conjectural material that hypothetically makes up most the world as we know it.
In sports news, slugger Craw Mysterio broke his own world record with an astonishing batting average of 1000, a perfect record. What new goal can he hope to achieve after achieving perfection itself? "Next season," Crow responded, "I will play on all the teams in lthe eague and play in all games, with the same perfect record in each." A difficult challenge to be sure, but if anyone can do it. the seemingly superhuman Craw Mysterio would be our pick as the man most like to succeed.
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