Midlife

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a
great time for women. Just last week, Oprah had a whole show on how
great menopause will be.... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of
my own and would like to share them with you.

Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your
luck) you'll probably relate.

Midlife is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us
plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In midlife, women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see
your rear without turning around.

Midlife is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Midlife is when you want to grab every fi rm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."

Midlife brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.

Midlife is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In midlife your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.

Midlife means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map
of Wisconsin.

Midlife means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But midlife also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved
ones make the journey worthwh ile. Would any of you trade the knowledge
that you have n! ow, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies
simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.

Mother-of-pearl! I hope not!!



Look, I will give Reitveld credit for a clever thread and a handful of nicely written posts, but I will not give him credit for this splendiferous boo-tay. (Anyway, he hates my shoes)

I am not yet 40, but gravity loves me, darling.

I will be 42 tomorrow. and gravity dosent love me.

Not sure why I'm reading this but that line made my day.

LOL - mine too. Kind of goes along with the one in Pen's thread "A usless sack of Squirrels". Just cracked me up.

Something about squrriels....

Hey midlife is fun.

I'm 38, and i just bought a tricked out miata that would make any 2ner proud. Now all I need is a 22 year old ex-model trophy wife!

And don't even talk to me about marrying for love. I'm bitter. I don't HATE your shoes Roo.

The way to feel young during your 40's is to buy a boat, keep it docked at a marina, and spend the weekends partying with the folks on the dock. At 44, I am one of the youngest people there.

Did someone summon a squirrel sack?

.

Happy Birthday!!!! And many, many more!

This is pretty much how I see it:

http://www.shopcat.com/silliness/gravity.jpg

LOL. Your post really made me laugh out loud, only because I feel your pain. Although I'm a man, I'm 45 and I'm still waiting for that "Life Begins At 40" phase to begin. I'm glad you were able to express your feelings thru humor. I'm sure you'll help a lot of people who feel the same.

Thank you.

You just wait until you hit menopause! One day you'll be standing in front of the mirror and 'lo and behold', you'll YELL "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?". (It's you baby, it's YOU!).

-those beautiful shoulders of yours will have slid down, down, down and became the love handles you never had. "Where the hell did THAT come from?", you'll ask!

- who knew knees are wrinkled insted of beautiful? (where did my Tina Turner legs go?)

- who knew that beautiful tattoo you had on your breast would once become a wilting rose? (I should have listened to my mother)

- who knew that the first sign of aging was a white hair in a place you never even THOUGHT of having WHITE hair ????? (time to start shaving, hehehehe).

- who woulda thunk that you'd be playing knee-ball with your boobs (with every step) (bring on that wire-bra) and you'd have an instant alternating backpack?

- who knew your FEET would grow and you'd look like a lil' old lady wearing her daddy's shoes?

- who knew you'd not only be plucking your upper lip, chin, but also your NOSE?

- who thought you'd be lubricating your mouth as well as other hmmm body cavities? I'm thinking about saline nose spray here

I'm so glad I still have 20 years of midlife before hitting "old age". I'm not looking forward to slurping all my meals through a straw.

Sometimes, Ms. Roo, midlife is precisely when your Memory comes to stay ...

I'm 23 now, and I'm just a stone's throw away from my school years, and I wish I could go back and visit even two weeks of my school life, with the mind I have now...

When I was a kid I was so inexperienced in chatting up women, and how things work between a man and a woman, and dates and stuff. If I could go back now, I'd be the Fonzie in two days!

That's the thing about life, youth is when you're at your hottest, but when you're there, you're not ready for all the hotness that youth gives you.

I heard one person say we should be born old, and we should get younger every day and die at age 0, and that would be pretty cool, to be 18 once we've gathered a lifetime's experience to be ready for it

Don't you believe it for a second, boyo!

Youth is when one burns the most quickly, granted, and a brilliant flame it is. But you don't know teh REAL hotness until you're at least, oh, 37 ...

(No, no, JSecure: That's a GOOD thing!)



~ Mem (who is 43, herself)