Cow Politics

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.



REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?



SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,

milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.



AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are

surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the

analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.



JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary

cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.



GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, have blue eyes, drink

lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an

hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.



ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.



RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private

parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find

alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.



IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.



TENNESSEE CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.



FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best,

accidentally vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one

you think is the best-looking cow.



CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegals.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

All I can say is that I'm moving to Monte Carlo so that I can be right on the border of France and Italy.

hehe.... I liked this one:

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,

milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

TEXAS CORPORATION

You buy a cow and a bull.

You now have a herd.

Your herd will naturally produce methane.

Using a garden hose, some duct tape, a live chicken, a match, and a shovel, develop a mechanism to harness, refine, and transport methane.

Blow up part or all of your mechanism and several of your cows.

Send the dimmest of your herd to Washington.

(Hook em', Horns )

lol!

coco

Coco, that one was for you.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

Love it, Its like a well thought out horror movie,

Still waiting for the Moo-Ring 3 will come out,
Cows are comeing out of the wells!
Man down! Man down! Run away!!

CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows, but they are both owned by the government.

The government pays you to milk them, and to ensure they only have one offspring each.

Your cow milk is taken by the government and rationed out to all other cow milkers equally, (although some may be more equal than others in rare circumstances).

NEW JERSEY CORPORATION

You have two cows, living among many other cows nearby, next to a large chemical plant where there used to be farmland.

Your neighbor sells their cow milk to the state government at a high price, although you are willing to sell at a lower price, because they donated to the local politician's campaign fund.

Your cows glow in the dark, and their milk tastes odd.

WASHINGTON DC CORPORATION

You own two cows.

One is stolen.

The other produces milk, but most of it is taken by the government.

It is very expensive to park your cow anywhere other than at home.

It is also very expensive to feed your cow.

You place armed guards next to your cow.

SOUTH CAROLINA CORPORATION

You own two cows.

Paint one cow garnet, and paint the other cow orange.

Choose one cow. Love that cow to distraction.

Engage the other cow in taunting that will escalate to fisticuffs.

Decline any post-season bowl bids.

CANADIAN CORPORATION (POSSIBLY SCOTTISH TOO?)

You own two sheep.

*censored*


(Oh crap, I'm going to get flamed for that one!!!)

How about

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You own two goats.

*censored*

SL CORPORATION

You own two cows.

You attempt to redesign them, but do not have the permissions to.

You build a new type of cow of your own design, which can milk itself and send PMs.

You make many copies of the new cow design, filling your land.

Your neighbors buy over priced copies of your cow.

One neighbor complains that your cows cause lag.

Several people complain because griefers are using your cows to pwn their Name Made cows.

Someone starts a vote proposal to ban cows.

Someone else starts a proposal to change the fundamental operations of the game for more efficient cows.

Some wag proposes that one (1) calf be provided for the enjoyment of SL in a public place. The Lindens actually approve and implement this proposal while seemingly ignoring all the others.

SL Corp

everyone whinges that Anshe has all the cows

Shouldn't that be 'mooooving'?

-Ghoti

mooo

I used to have a cat just like that.

Dallas Politics:

You have two cows.

You move both cows around to different sub-towns when the tax abatements run out.

You hire uneducated people of all races to milk your cows with a high turnover rate because "it's too much work".

Like heck you are! its all wrong,

CANADIAN CORPORATION/mixed with SL CORPORATION

You own Two sheep,
One eats a bunny,
that bunny multiplies by 87,
Your one sheep explodes in a mass of fluffy elegance,
people come from all over to procrastanate that your bunnies are spamming their land,
Your other sheep Turns into a big goverment man and takes the bunnies and goes back to home base,

THEN,

*censored*

Woohoo!

Michigan Corporation.

You have two cows. They are taxed out of the state because they have nothing to offer the auto industry.

You move to Ohio.

Your cows ride motorcycles without helmets, buy illegal fireworks, and catch themselves on fire in a ditch.

You eat steak.

LF

Australian:

You have a cow..

She tells you to take out the garbage..

...then you sit on the beach and drink beer.

Le moo.

LIBERTARIAN

You have two cows.

The government decides-- ...what government?

You release your cows because you want them to be free.

One gets hit by a truck within fifteen minutes.

The other dies of starvation.

You smoke pot daily, buy many guns, pay no taxes, and gamble weekly.

You remember that you once had two cows.