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Darwin Appleby
I Was Beaten With Satan
Join date: 14 Mar 2003
Posts: 2,779
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01-15-2004 20:44
This is selfish of me, but I'm curious:
Who likes my sig?
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Touche.
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Jen Mifflin
Junior Member
Join date: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 3
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01-15-2004 23:30
Sounds great! The last line draws out a bit, but overall very nice  |
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Devlin Gallant
Thought Police
Join date: 18 Jun 2003
Posts: 5,948
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01-16-2004 01:43
Uhm, it's cool Dar. Uhm, Yeah.
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I LIKE children, I've just never been able to finish a whole one.
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Selador Cellardoor
Registered User
Join date: 16 Nov 2003
Posts: 3,082
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01-16-2004 02:05
It's fine - apart from the incorrect apostrophes. <cough>
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Zana Feaver
Arkie
Join date: 17 Jul 2003
Posts: 396
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01-16-2004 04:54
I like it too -- my only suggestion -- and with a disclaimer I'm just off three years of a creative writing degree is I would change the last lines to be a little more "modern" in their diction. You wrote: "But I will stand alone for I will be he Who will just want to know if it gazes back down at me" If you were in a poetry workshop I'd suggest: "But I will stand alone for I will just want to know if it gazes back at me" No need to force the rhyme  . Otherwise, good stuff . Zana
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Zana's Dressmakers' Shops: Medieval, Fantasy, Gorean, and period clothing for men & women. Great little party dresses and lingerie. Home of the Ganja Fairy.
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Julian Fate
80's Pop Star
Join date: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 1,020
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01-16-2004 14:16
When your sig is longer than your average post, you have a problem. Forum Farmers Anonymous (FFA, not to be confused with Future Farmers of America) can help.
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