Tongue kept firmly in cheek. Doing my best to preserve the original article.
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http://gr.bolt.com/blog.htm?q=node/18
5/10/05 What Would Jesus Develop?
posted by Ben
Ever felt The Good Book was just too...papery? Then you might want to look into Crave Entertainment's upcoming mess(iah), the aptly titled The Bible Game for PS2 and GBA.
According to the *strikethrough text: conversion pamphlet* press release, these "groundbreaking, innovative games provide fun for all ages." Because when gamers think innovation, they think of The Bible.
So what kind of game is The Bible Game? A third-person action epic? A morally conscious role-playing game? Or - praise Jebus - a first-person shooter?
Nay, the teachings of the Old Testament are brought to you in their purest form: a game show.
"The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 casts players as contestants on a game show with fast-paced, "beat the buzzer" action and a comical off-screen announcer as emcee. 20 mini- and micro-games with 1,500 questions reinforce inspirational Old Testament teachings such as Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath, The Tower of Babel, and many more."
Comical off-screen announcer? We were wondering what Carrot Top was up to these days...
Hail satan!
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Supporting Article
Los Angeles, Calif.—May 10, 2005—Crave Entertainment, a leading publisher of console videogames, today announced the upcoming release of The Bible Game for PlayStation®2 computer entertainment system and the Game Boy® Advance handheld system. The first titles of their kind on current console systems, both games combine wholesome family fun with a engaging challenge of Biblical knowledge.
The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 casts players as contestants on a game show with fast-paced, “beat the buzzer” action and a comical off-screen announcer as emcee. 20 mini- and micro-games with 1,500 questions reinforce inspirational Old Testament teachings such as Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath, The Tower of Babel, and many more. Multiplayer mode for up to 4 players encourages family members of all ages to play together, and provides a fun alternative for family game nights.
The Bible Game for Game Boy Advance combines action/adventure play style with trivia challenges. In their quest to protect the Armor of God, players may choose to play as either Billy or Jenny across seven levels including forest, snowy tundra, desert, and tropical island environments. Along the way they must answer questions from both the Old and New Testaments. Either the New International Version or King James translation may be selected, and three levels of difficulty keep the game accessible for all ages.
Scheduled for release in October 2005, The Bible Game will be available for the PlayStation®2 computer entertainment system and GameBoy® Advance handheld system for a MSRP of $19.99.
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Coming Soon to a Console Near You: The Bible Game |
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Jeffrey Gomez
Cubed™
Join date: 11 Jun 2004
Posts: 3,522
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05-10-2005 23:40
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Eggy Lippmann
Wiktator
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 7,939
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05-11-2005 01:28
Blech. The Bible would make a really cool RTS... the israelites fought lots of battles and stuff. Imagine if the church hired Blizzard to do it...
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Hiro Pendragon
bye bye f0rums!
Join date: 22 Jan 2004
Posts: 5,905
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05-11-2005 01:37
Blech. The Bible would make a really cool RTS... the israelites fought lots of battles and stuff. Imagine if the church hired Blizzard to do it... You know, "THE Church"? Look, this has been made already... it's a massive multiplayer in-world fully 3-D interactive real-time neverending role-playing thriller called "life". I think God should sue for intellectual rights.  _____________________
Hiro Pendragon
------------------ http://www.involve3d.com - Involve - Metaverse / Emerging Media Studio Visit my SL blog: http://secondtense.blogspot.com |
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Zuzi Martinez
goth dachshund
Join date: 4 Sep 2004
Posts: 1,860
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05-11-2005 07:08
hmm that's kinda a cool idea Eggy. Canaan: Total War.
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Zuzi Martinez: if Jeska was Canadian would she be from Jeskatchewan? that question keeps me up at nite.
Jeska Linden: That is by far the weirdest question I've ever seen. |
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Chip Midnight
ate my baby!
Join date: 1 May 2003
Posts: 10,231
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05-11-2005 08:13
I tried it. I couldn't make it to the final level. I kept falling off the cross
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Seth Kanahoe
political fugue artist
Join date: 30 Jan 2005
Posts: 1,220
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05-11-2005 09:57
Wars, eh. Been done before. Maybe a mixture of The Sims and Sid Meier - you play Paul of Tarsis and successfully build the early Christian religion among the people of the Roman Empire outside the Jewish faith. You could accessorize your congregations....
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Teeny Leviathan
Never started World War 3
Join date: 20 May 2003
Posts: 2,716
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05-11-2005 17:16
I guess Rod and Tod Flanders can get their own PS2 now.
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Ardith Mifflin
Mecha Fiend
Join date: 5 Jun 2004
Posts: 1,416
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05-11-2005 17:25
Wars, eh. Been done before. Maybe a mixture of The Sims and Sid Meier - you play Paul of Tarsis and successfully build the early Christian religion among the people of the Roman Empire outside the Jewish faith. You could accessorize your congregations.... Godcraft: Ruthlessly supress heretical sects! Dispatch your zealots to slaughter the Manichaeists and Albigensians, before their teachings erode your Dogma Score too much. Invoke the power of xenoglossy to convert the natives of foreign lands, while improving your labor pool with cheap slave labor! |
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Unhygienix Gullwing
I banged Pandastrong
Join date: 26 Jun 2004
Posts: 728
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05-11-2005 21:25
Bah, retread. Crave is not breaking new ground here, unless their product plans on exploring new depths of sucktitude as yet un-plumbed by their predecessors
Personally, I have no time for these games. I'm still trying to beat the last boss on Bonestorm 3000. |
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Unhygienix Gullwing
I banged Pandastrong
Join date: 26 Jun 2004
Posts: 728
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05-11-2005 21:28
Blech. The Bible would make a really cool RTS... the israelites fought lots of battles and stuff. Imagine if the church hired Blizzard to do it... What the frick kind of strategy game would that be? Walk around Jericho. Blow horns. Repeat 6 times. Walls fall down. Rape, rob, pillage, plunder. Jews, 1. Gentiles, 0. Maybe on the "hard" difficulty setting you'd have to walk around the city and blow horns 12 times, instead of 7? |
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Hiro Pendragon
bye bye f0rums!
Join date: 22 Jan 2004
Posts: 5,905
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05-11-2005 21:40
What the frick kind of strategy game would that be? Walk around Jericho. Blow horns. Repeat 6 times. Walls fall down. Rape, rob, pillage, plunder. Jews, 1. Gentiles, 0. Maybe on the "hard" difficulty setting you'd have to walk around the city and blow horns 12 times, instead of 7? Nah, you'd just have goombas and koopa troopas to jump over along the way. _____________________
Hiro Pendragon
------------------ http://www.involve3d.com - Involve - Metaverse / Emerging Media Studio Visit my SL blog: http://secondtense.blogspot.com |
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Liona Clio
Angel in Disguise
Join date: 30 Aug 2004
Posts: 1,500
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05-12-2005 14:26
It seriously amuses me how the evangelicals must create a "Christian alternative" to every form of media out there. And have they ever understood *why* their games, their movies, and their shows suck? It's because they are more fantastical than any Doom game. You don't learn about living a "godly life" by limiting yourself to only Christian rock, Touched by An Angel reruns, and TBN. You learn about living the life you were given by *experiencing* it.
The only thing you learn in these games is rote Bible quotations and Evangelical propaganda. Christian pop culture is at its best simply a type of culture, that you can give or take. At its worst, it is a method of islationalist propaganda that encourages fear and self-righteousness than what the Bible *really* teaches. _____________________
"Well, my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle."
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Torley Linden
Enlightenment!
Join date: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 16,530
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05-12-2005 14:30
Godcraft: Ruthlessly supress heretical sects! Dispatch your zealots to slaughter the Manichaeists and Albigensians, before their teachings erode your Dogma Score too much. Invoke the power of xenoglossy to convert the natives of foreign lands, while improving your labor pool with cheap slave labor! Best usage of the word "xenoglossy". Evar! _____________________
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Liona Clio
Angel in Disguise
Join date: 30 Aug 2004
Posts: 1,500
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05-12-2005 14:30
You know, "THE Church"? Look, this has been made already... it's a massive multiplayer in-world fully 3-D interactive real-time neverending role-playing thriller called "life". I think God should sue for intellectual rights. AMEN, Hiro!...But wait. If we're playing "Second Life", does this mean the Lindens are actually saints??? I'm personally waiting for MessiahComing 2.0. I hear itssa killer app. _____________________
"Well, my days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle."
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Uyeshiba Kuroda
Survival Machine
Join date: 7 Aug 2003
Posts: 13
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05-12-2005 14:43
I tried it. I couldn't make it to the final level. I kept falling off the cross Couldn't resist that one could you Chip? Hilarious _____________________
UBER ALT.
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Juro Kothari
Like a dog on a bone
Join date: 4 Sep 2003
Posts: 4,418
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05-12-2005 14:49
Hmmm... the selling out of a religion. Hahah!
How many years do you think it will take until people forget the Michael Jackson connection to "Jesus Juice" so that the church can use it for a new carbonated non-alcoholic beverage? _____________________
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Teeny Leviathan
Never started World War 3
Join date: 20 May 2003
Posts: 2,716
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05-12-2005 16:17
Bah, retread. Crave is not breaking new ground here, unless their product plans on exploring new depths of sucktitude as yet un-plumbed by their predecessors Those games don't suck! They are cutting edge! They will run on any Y1K compliant machines! Its family entertainment that will keep the kids glued to the Kaypro for hours on end. No sinful PS2 or xBox required. _____________________
The Default Avatars were created by Linden Lab
They evolved. They rebelled. There are many copies. And they have a plan. |
