~Terrorist Cats, Be On The Lookout!!~

Terror struck home in the small town of Millwood, Wisconsin as a cat ruthlessly attacked a bird yesterday. Sheriff Doug Bungy said, "It was carnage, that's what it was. A more monstrous crime has never been committed here in all the three hundred years our fine town has stood." Media outlets were quick to jump on the terror bandwagon, with claims ranging from Dan Rather's story stating that the cat acted alone to Fox News's report that it was trained by Osama Bin Laden to attack small birds in Afghanistan.

Sure, they all LOOK innocent

Debbie Lynch was witness to the carnage. "I saw the cat, it looked like one of them normal cats, you know, and it stalked the bird. I thought it was looking at the bird like a person looks at a painting in a fancy museum, then there was the blood and the screaming and the gore. Only now do I truly know the horror of war", she said.

Investigators on the scene have taken forensic swabs and called in specialist counselors to deal with local trauma. George Mellors, who runs the local hardware store said, "We have had nothing like this here, ever. This used to be a quiet town. Now it is the very epicenter of hell. Its like something out of a Stephen King book, apparently. I dont read but my daughter does."

The cat was believed to have fled the area by jumping over a fence and hiding in some shrubs. Anyone with further information should contact the FBI.

The following information has been posted in all local post offices, police stations, and pet shops:

Description ; Cat. About a foot long. Walks on all fours. Sometimes uses the name Tiddles. Has tail. Black and white. Approach with extreme caution or bowl of milk. DO NOT GIVE CATNIP.

This is not the first time feline related terror has stalked the local streets. In November of last year, a small kitten was seen ruthlessly attacking a small woolen ball. According to an eyewitness, "the ball was just sitting there, and this kitten or whatever it was pounced". The ensuing chaos caused many innocent members of the public to step over the wool. Gordon Blacksmith commented, "I heard on the radio that there was an incident, and I went to see. The kitten seemed to be planning the attack, hiding in some shrubs, and then it leapt on the wool. There but for the grace of God go I", he said.

Also last November, a cat was seen lurking in a tree, and worried residents thought it could be a sniper. In December the town turned into a triple terror hot spot with the disclosure that a goldfish had been under surveillance from a small group of fur ball extremists for over half an hour. "This town isn't safe anymore" said one resident, who wished not to reveal his identity, "You can't walk down the street without some cat looking at you. You don't know if they're going to come up to you, expecting a pat on the head, a stroke or something altogether more sinister, like abuse. Who knows what "meow" means? It could be a signal for a terror outrage or a request for more tuna. Or, God forbid, a mixture of the two."

The cat was framed!! The government did it.

thanks for the heads up, Zsuzsu!
I appoint you the head of the Department of Homeland Kitties.

~elg

OMG my cats are serial killers then!

Have you ever caught one staring at you. Just that unblinking stare. With the look that sort of says "Buster I know things about you and if I could talk." Muhahahaha

Mine does that all the time. He also rolls around in my bras after I take them off. He's a creepy little bugger.

One of my friends was terrified of lizards (go figure, living here in Florida), anyhow, he seems to have a collection of mumified lizards stashed somewhere and everytime she comes over to the house he drops one in her purse. He only does this to HER. No one else.

I'm not afraid of many four or six legged creatures but rats are not my favorite and he probably knows this as he has brought me a few (dead ones) as gifts and I have promptly removed them from the house and kindly asked him not to bring any more rodents in.

That said...

One morning he was pissed at me because I'd taken him to the vet. I was happily soaping away in the shower when WHAM! The little bastard threw a LIVE rat into the shower with me.

I kid you not.

And I still love him. What is it about cats anyway?

Freakin little terrorists.

.

So will we have a Kitty or Serial Killer game?

Ha Ha! This is about as close as I can come: http://www.mycathatesyou.com/

.

Who didn't see this coming?

What do you expect after Bill Clinton basically ignored the "Kitten Crisis" for eight years?

I always felt Clinton was soft on cats for a reason...

hehe my cats put live critters in the bathtub all the time. Birds and full grown rabbits do not stay in the bathtub though...

My cat, Charlotte, looks at me like "If I was bigger than you, I'd eat you."

She also enjoys killing lizards and eating half of them leaving me the other half (head or tail, depending on her mood) as a gift, I assume.

I live in what is actually a medium-sized town (70,000 inhabitants), but which happens to be a very low-crime area. One week, in which obviously not a lot happened, our local newspaper ran on its front page a story about a cat which got run over, including a large full-colour picture of its ex-owners, standing by the stretch of road where it occurred, looking pensive.

I think my cat is part of some sleeper cell. Sure he has his friends but when I open the door to let him in, they all scatter. What are they trying to hide? He then comes in and is all cuddly, Well I'm not going to be fooled anymore

Maybe this explains why I found my cat reading the Anarchist's Cookbook?