03-08-2006 21:29
The recollection begins as an alleged true recounting of the misadventures of Charlie Murphy (brother of Eddie Murphy) as part of his brother's entourage in the 80's. One of the many celebrities that they encounter is Rick James, who immediately overawes Murphy with his "grandeur." However, James quickly proves to be somewhat of a bully to Murphy and ends up punching Murphy in the face (specifically the forehead), leaving a semi-permanent impression with his signet ring. The incident occurs in the legendary Studio 54 Nightclub.

According to James in the interview, he did that because Murphy was hanging with "the big boys" now and he did not realized he was doing unsavory things, so James had to straightened him out. Murphy, on the other hand, claimed he does not know why James punched him.

Nonetheless, Murphy becomes irate at James' wild antics and resolves to confront him later that night in his hotel room. James saw Murphy and decided he wanted to punch him again, but before he could, Murphy delivered a "front" kick to James. The confrontation nearly ended in disaster afterwards, but James smooths things over by saying: "I'm sorry Charlie Murphy, it was an accident. I was having too much fun." After which he offers Murphy cannabis (which he termed "the stickiest of the icky";) and sexual intercourse as "medicine". Murphy accepts and all is well.

Murphy goes on to recount how James came to his brother Eddie Murphy's home after the Studio 54 incident. James supposedly barged in without being invited and proceeded to walk over the carpet with his mud-encrusted boots. He ended the walk by relaxing on Eddie's newly purchased suede couch. James, whether knowing this or not, decides to stretch out on the couch and grind the mud from his boots into the suede, thus ruining it.

As Charlie Murphy became increasingly incredulous in his recount of the event, James (in the interview) denied the possibility that he could have ever done this. However, he also then goes on to admit that he had done it in the next sentence. When asked why, he said he did it because Eddie could buy another couch.

The Murphy brothers (whom James refers to as "Darknesses" on account of their dark complexion or as Charlie Murphy put it, "This was long before Wesley Snipes; back then, we was the blackest niggas on the planet, according to Rick James.";) become incensed at this blatant lack of respect and begins to pummel James in the legs. Eventually, James is injured to the point where he can no longer walk. Despite his pummeling by the Murphy brothers, he still curses them.

Literally dragging himself from the room, James launches into a string of continuous curses at the Murphys, including "You black motherfuckers!", "Wide nose having motherfuckers!", and "They shoulda never gave you niggas money!" Despite James' insult, Eddie Murphy still felt compassion for him, but Charlie Murphy felt that he had gotten what he deserved. At the time, he had also believed that the beating will prevent James from ever disrespecting Eddie's home again.

This warming tale ends in a nightclub called the China Club, wherein Murphy and James again encounter each other. As the Murphy brothers stepped into the club, they spot James speaking to two women. After he insults them both by implying that their breasts were less than stellar (according to James, "I wish I had more hands so I can give those titties four thumbs down!";), James spot the Murphy brothers and calls them over.

Neither of the Murphys realized that James was not in his right state of mind due to drugs so they had let their guards down. James engages in a practical joke wherein he closed in to Charlie Murphy and then slaps him in the face. Naturally, Charlie Murphy is incredulous again at James' audacity, but James is unrepetant. After some deliberation at a distance, however, Charlie Murphy came back to slap James back (except with more considerable force). James was indignant at the act and loudly questions Murphy. It is at this point that James reveals he does not even remember slapping Murphy. In sorrow, James apologizes to Murphy and both make up with each other.

You know you can always go fu*k yo couch

Greets