Intelligent Designer Says Yes To Judge

AP News - Heaven City, Nirvana - God has come out and said "yes" to a recent Pennsylvania court decision, when a Judge ruled ID can not be tought in schools. While many people consider this a bold move, the Intelligent Designer explained its rationale.

"Honestly, why are some foolish mortals disgracing my good name by teaching religion in schools?" asked the Intelligent Designer. It added, "Religion should not be dictated by a government. That removes a person's most precious gift and most awesome aspect of life - that of choice. Without choice, you are all just a bunch of meaningless puppets. Who wants that?"

The Intelligent Designer was adamant about his belief that ID should not be in classrooms. It continued with its explanation, "What's worse is that not only is ID teaching religion in school, it's not even correct!" It explained how Evolution was actually the correct theory, "You see, when I was thinking about how to start such a complicated universe, I knew I wouldn't have the time to maintain every single detail at all times. Not only would that remove freedom of choice, which I've already established is important, but it'd cut into my time watching Keiffer Sutherland in 24. Man, he's just so level-headed under pressure!"

"So, I thought to myself that if I could come up with a system that was self-reliant and would grow and adapt over time, not only would I have a rich, diverse universe, but I would also maintain the freedom of choice because people would not have proof that I exist. In this way, they rely on faith and choice." It said. "Any monkey can be trained to believe in something that it has proof of, but it takes a truly dedicated and smart human being to be able to choose to believe in me, and appreciate all the subtleties in my creation."

"I don't get these right-wingers." The Intelligent Designer stated. "It's like they think I'm too stupid to invent something like Evolution. Get real, DUDES. This is me you're talking about!"

It's hard to believe that the Intelligent Designer sounds just like Jack Black, even though Jack Black did a fine imitation of the young Orson Wells in King Kong, and the young Orson Welles would make a fine actor's study for the Intelligent Designer.

"T'was science killed the ID beast... Rosebud."