A Hypothetical

Lets say you live in a dorm room, about 10 feet by 12 feet square. Your bed is on one side, and your roommate's bed is on the other side, leaving about 5-6 feet of "air space" between them. It is the middle of the week, classes the day prior and classes the day following are a given.

What would be the reasonable course of action if your roommate proceeded to spend the hours from 1am-6am having sex with/talking with their boyfriend/girlfriend, leaving you with one hour of sleep and a class at 8am?

Would that course of action change if they had been incredibly annoying and disruptive to study/sleep/leisure schedules prior to this incident?

If there were only two weeks until you would never see this person again in your life, what would your plan be then?


Just askin'

I always prided myself in the ability to scare off a roommate and claim the room as my own. Not only does it solve the problem, but it's a great stress reliever, too.

What kind of "Ho" would have sex with their boyfriend in the same room as another person?
What is she a monkey?

Off the top of my head...

Turn the lights on. Film them. Give them direction. Make sure you are wearing a beret.

Suddenly begin singing 'Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man' at the top of your voice. Bad William Shatner accent a plus.

Sell admission to your room. Rope off the area around your roommate's bed. Put up 'Do Not Feed Or Pet The Monkey' sign.

Two words: Fire ants!

Powdered milk in the bedsheets. Gets into the poors, especially during 'vigorous sex'. Over time sweat hydrates the milk, and it eventually spoils, causing the person(s) to smell for a week or so. Doesn't wash out easily.

One very basic tenet of college dorm life: Sharing.

Works with snacks, CD's, beer, clothing, sports equipment. I'm sure you could work something out.



Besides, considering college life, there's a high incidence that the roomie's significant other may weigh such an option without prompting anyway...

If you've politely asked them to go find a car or hotel or something, ect... Tried to work it out with them as civil as possible... Then by all means, do as Burke suggests.

Yup.

Just get up turn on the lights and mention that you "just can't seem to get to sleep" so you might as well be productive. Open the door "to get some air" since this is a good time to dust and use foul smelling cleaning products.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em!

And if you can't join 'em ... beat 'em!

All good ideas (except joining them, that's disgusting.) The event has passed, so only preventative measures can be put into effect now. Since there are only two weeks left i'll just elect to be a bitch and tell her that it won't happen again. I have a medium-sized bowl and access to very cold water.

I'll definitely do Burke's suggestion when there are four days or so left, though. The crap i've been through this quarter deserves at least that.

Keep them coming, this is a good stress relief until she gets back and I can rip into her.

Nothing says "reasoned response to an extreme situation" like good, old fashioned, honest blackmail.

If you've been sharing a dorm with someone and NOT collecting all blackmail in a locked briefcase under your bed, that's your own fault. But I'm sure you can come up with several things easy.

For some real fun, leave a 'letter' from your roomate's personal physician where the significant other will find it.

Along with an informational brochure regarding certain incurable infections...

Hmmm, have you considered getting a mouse or a rat or even a small non-poisonous snake as a "pet"? Keep the cute lil thing in a nice little cage... as insurance

hehe, and then say: OMG where is the snake???????? just when they are right at the height of it all

on a related note..

my first week of college was interesting, finally resulting in switching room-mates.

now, i'm not a big sports fan and wasn't comfortable sharing my room with a "jock". nothing against him personally, it just wasn't a good match up either way.

anyway, this room-mate of mine had put up a large (door size) poster of a basketball player.. i forget his name, but i think he had been busted for cocaine use. (now, this isn't recent.. this was back in the fall of 1992)
my course of retaliation? i went out and bought a poster of the same size and put it up on my side of the room, directly opposite of his poster.

he had basketball player guy, i had Frakenstein's Monster.

Time for a trip to Home Depot

Buy a small square of roofing insulation - the fiberglass type and some gloves.

Cut the fiberglass part of it up in very small pieces and place them between her mattresses and under the top sheet. She will never know but after the next marathon sex session they will both have welts and probably decide that the "fleas" in the room warrant their finding another location for their sport. If she washes her sheets with her clothes, well - she will be wearing fiberglass for the next year.

Careful to not get any of the stuff on your hands or clothes - it's nasty.

In the meantime, at home depot, you can get yourself a large enough piece of cheap cardboard to make a screen that you can erect temporarily and keep folded under your bed to create a visible wall when the antics start - that at least gives you a visible barrier. If you have something like an ipod, you can create a sound barrier.

Guys can do things like the camera & lights (love that idea btw), but lots of times it won't work for a female. I'd suggest going covert. I love the powdered milk, but it's not long enough lasting and you'd have to put up with the smell too.

Good Luck!

Lots of itching powder in the bed. And I mean A LOT!

Videotape them without their knowing. Get drunk with some friends and have a fun overdub session where you add strange sound effects (cartoon sound effects can be fun) and embarassing noises. Upload to the usenet binary group of your choice. They'll enjoy their newfound fame for years to come.

Cough wildly and exclaim how horrible the flu bug is this season.

Start moaning, really loudly, in your "sleep".

I suggest getting a soundtrack of some reeeeeeally cheesy 70's porn music and a red light bulb.

Pop the cd in and put the bulb in a lamp. When they get going, turn on the red light and start the porn music. Pretend you're in a porn theater and have some popcorn while watching them.

A bucket of cold water always worked on the farm when the dogs would go at it.

Rox

Oh and then invite a friend over so you can Ebert and Roeper them!

She apologized... both in person and left me a note when I got back.

Now I can't have my revenge...

Talk about fighting dirty.