New Rule 1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule 2: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, the chili costs less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule 3: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule 4: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule 5: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule 6: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a**hole.
New Rule 7: Girls, just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. Come on, it's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You were just high when you picked it out.
New Rule 8: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule 9: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule 10: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule 11: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
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New Rules for 2006 |
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Lecktor Hannibal
YOUR MOM
Join date: 1 Jul 2004
Posts: 6,734
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03-23-2006 13:32
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YOUR MOM says, 'Come visit us at SC MKII http://secondcitizen.net '
Oh, Lecktor, you're terrible. Bikers have more fun than people ! |
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Logan Bauer
Inept Adept
Join date: 13 Jun 2004
Posts: 2,237
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03-23-2006 13:51
LMAO!
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 PICS - BLOG - http://arcticgreenhouse.blogspot.com/ XSTREET - INWORLD -http://slurl.com/secondlife/Alternate Reality/144/138/54/ |
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Sansarya Caligari
BLEH!
Join date: 25 Apr 2005
Posts: 1,206
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03-23-2006 13:58
New Rule 9: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule 10: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. These two are my favorites. On Rule 10, I just don't care that you're registered. I'm 37, chances are I'm NEVER getting married! I don't think it's fair you make me give you a gift for getting married while I'm going to grow old and probably die alone someday! You should be giving ME a gift for even showing up and refraining from getting drunk and making passes at your new little brother-in-law. (ok, so that only happened once...) _____________________
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Ghoti Nyak
καλλιστι
Join date: 7 Aug 2004
Posts: 2,078
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03-23-2006 13:58
New Rule 11: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. MacDonalds's Bathroom Attendants  Good post! -Ghoti _____________________
"Sometimes I believe that this less material life is our truer life, and that our vain presence on the terraqueous globe is itself the secondary or merely virtual phenomenon." ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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Frostie Flora
Dilly-Dally Shilly-Shally
Join date: 27 May 2004
Posts: 526
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03-23-2006 13:59
New Rule 4: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. Yes sir I will grow them to be the fuzziest they can be sir! _____________________
(\ /) (o.o) (><  /_|_\ |
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Nolan Nash
Frischer Frosch
Join date: 15 May 2003
Posts: 7,141
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03-23-2006 14:01
12) AR the hell out of threads that make your little world SO unbearable.
Then they can be moved AND closed, because apparently some folks aren't in SL for fun, but rather to try and control what other residents are doing. _____________________
“Time's fun when you're having flies.” ~Kermit
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Merwan Marker
Booring...
Join date: 28 Jan 2004
Posts: 4,706
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03-23-2006 14:03
--- New Rule 6: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a**hole. --- ROFLOL! So true! I'll add one Leck and leave the numbering to you. New Rule XX: Stop the E-mail penis SPAM! My damn penis is just fine as it is - it'd don't need to be bigger, or out more, or in more or any-more anything. _____________________
Don't Worry, Be Happy - Meher Baba
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Sally Rosebud
the girl next door
Join date: 3 May 2005
Posts: 2,505
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03-23-2006 15:37
Damn, those all sound just like you Leck!
 <3<3 Just wait til you hear my starbuck's order... _____________________
"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"
~Ernest Hemingway |
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Hooch Matador
Titus Andronicus
Join date: 24 Sep 2005
Posts: 375
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03-23-2006 15:45
These two are my favorites. On Rule 10, I just don't care that you're registered. I'm 37, chances are I'm NEVER getting married! I don't think it's fair you make me give you a gift for getting married while I'm going to grow old and probably die alone someday! You should be giving ME a gift for even showing up and refraining from getting drunk and making passes at your new little brother-in-law. (ok, so that only happened once...) ... _____________________
Mulch Ennui is Dead (and fuckin ugly)
Consider this part of his eulogy! Wilfred Brimley is nothing but a yellow running dog lackey of the ruling class! Say Your Peace Without Interference From the Thought Police. No ResMods on Duty |