Telemarketers: How Enabran Amuses Himself
|
|
Enabran Templar
Capitalist Pig
Join date: 26 Aug 2004
Posts: 4,506
|
12-07-2005 08:14
So, I keep getting this call. Me: This is Danilo
Recorded Voice: Please stay on the line. It is important that we speak with you.What the fuck is this? You're going to call me up but you don't even place enough importance on the call to put someone on with me immediately? I'm annoyed but curious, so I wait about sixty seconds, while the voice repeats its message retardedly. Finally, a human answers. Human: Yes, I'd like to speak with Brandy Scott?Infuriated that I've been waiting this whole time for someone who doesn't even have the right number, I'm about to bitch the guy out for his company's stupid pestering system. But I get a better idea. Me (in stilted, pre-recorded tone): Hello!
Other Dude: Brandy Scott?
Me: Yes!
Other Dude: Is this Brandy Scott?
Me: Hello!
Other Dude: Can I speak to Brandy Scott?
Me: Yes!
Occasionally I'll throw other stuff into the mix too. Moral of the story: When some dirtbag calls you on the phone to waste your airtime, be certain to waste a little of his in return. It's hilarious.  (They keep calling about twice a month. I repeat the routine each time. It's priceless.)
_____________________
From: Hiro Pendragon Furthermore, as Second Life goes to the Metaverse, and this becomes an open platform, Linden Lab risks lawsuit in court and [attachment culling] will, I repeat WILL be reverse in court.
|
|
Logan Bauer
Inept Adept
Join date: 13 Jun 2004
Posts: 2,237
|
12-07-2005 08:33
Excellent. My dad had a good tactic, we used to get calls asking for "the woman of the house" - Since he was divorced from my mother, usually the response was one of the following : A. Say, "Sure, here she is!" and hand the phone to my 2 year old sister. B. "Oh. (voice lowers significantly) God, you didn't hear? Nobody called you? <sniffle> She... (voice gets much more choked up) passed away... " As the telemarketer trys to change the subject or make an exit, become more and more histerical as tho the entire event has dredged up terrible memories. Some other ones... I live in an apartment complex now. The only telemarketing calls I get lately are people from lawncare companies, vinyl siding, window replacement, roofing, ect, ect. I sit there and let them go through their entire speel, acting increasingly interested, asking as many dumb questions and drawing it out as much as possible.... Then when they start to ask for info to "close the deal" I say something like, "I wonder how my apartment complex will feel about me wanting to change the roof just over my apartment", or "I bet you guys will do a much better job landscaping than the people who already do it for the apartment complex!" My fav was just a few days ago... Someone called from the gas company trying to put me on an estimated plan. Went on for about 30 minutes, asking her how the gas worked, "what, like the gas in my car??", where it came from, if it was "environmentally safe", ect... And then I said, "So, will I have to ask the apartment complex to remove the electric heating system that this entire building has, and have one of these newfangled "gas" heaters put in then? Will you guys pay for that?"  |
|
Leilany LaFollette
Not old, just older
Join date: 11 Jan 2004
Posts: 686
|
12-07-2005 08:39
I liked Seinfeld's response to telemarketers, telling them he was busy and couldn't talk and acting offended when they wouldn't give him their name and home phone number so he could call them back
_____________________
Es el libertador. Es el océano, lejos, allá, en mi patria, que me espera...
|
|
Taco Rubio
also quite creepy
Join date: 15 Feb 2004
Posts: 3,349
|
12-07-2005 09:00
Push buttons on the phone are great in situations like this.
"May I speak to Brandy Scott?"
"77777777774444444444444##########################"
_____________________
From: Torley Linden We can't be clear enough, ever, in our communication. 
|
|
Gabe Lippmann
"Phone's ringing, Dude."
Join date: 14 Jun 2004
Posts: 4,219
|
12-07-2005 09:03
From: Taco Rubio Push buttons on the phone are great in situations like this.
"May I speak to Brandy Scott?"
"77777777774444444444444##########################" Can you play, like, "Safety Dance" on the keypad for them or something? 
_____________________
go to Nocturnal Threads 
|
|
Billy Grace
Land Market Facilitator
Join date: 8 Mar 2004
Posts: 2,307
|
12-07-2005 09:20
I have a sure fire way to get off of their list. When called, tell them that you do whatever they are calling for for a living. They will never call you back. It is easy, polite and works every time.
_____________________
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese, 1939 -
|
|
Weedy Herbst
Too many parameters
Join date: 5 Aug 2004
Posts: 2,255
|
12-07-2005 10:31
From: Leilany LaFollette I liked Seinfeld's response to telemarketers, telling them he was busy and couldn't talk and acting offended when they wouldn't give him their name and home phone number so he could call them back Yeah, I love this tactic and have used it a few times. They never gave a name or a number.....go figure |
|
Weedy Herbst
Too many parameters
Join date: 5 Aug 2004
Posts: 2,255
|
12-07-2005 10:43
|
|
Nyx Divine
never say never!
Join date: 11 Dec 2004
Posts: 1,052
|
12-07-2005 10:44
From: Logan Bauer Excellent. My dad had a good tactic, we used to get calls asking for "the woman of the house" - Since he was divorced from my mother, usually the response was one of the following :
A. Say, "Sure, here she is!" and hand the phone to my 2 year old sister.
oh hehe I LOVE that.....*laughs insanely*
_____________________
Yes Virginia there is an FIC!
If someone shows you who they are.....believe them!
Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, because that's where the fruit is!
|
|
Gus Plisskin
Registered User
Join date: 8 Feb 2005
Posts: 84
|
12-07-2005 15:16
Ask telemarketers what they're wearing. Doing so always ends the call.
|
|
Schwanson Schlegel
SL's Tokin' Villain
Join date: 15 Nov 2003
Posts: 2,721
|
12-07-2005 15:51
My usual tactic is similar to Logan's dad.
Telemarketer: Blah blah blah blah
Me: Wow that's AMAZING!!
Telemarketer: Blah blah blah blah
Me: How much? WOW that's a really good deal, I HAVE to have it.
Me: Can you take my credit card number over the phone?
Telemarketer:Yes!
Me: One moment, let me go find my wallet! Don't hang up, I MUST have this.
***Hand phone to 3 year old son, who loves to tell them about everything around him***
After about 5 minutes....
Me: You still there?
Telemarketer: Yes sir!
Me: Whew I thought I may have lost you. My wife must have left my wallet in the car, you know how women are.....
Me: I'll be right back with my credit card number!
***Hand phone back to 3 year old, who is dying to tell him about today's episode of Telletubbies***
I only return to the phone to see how long it takes them to hang up.
I had one guy on for over 30 minutes one day. I doubt he made his sales quota. I almost felt bad, but was laughing too hard.
|
