On a Side Note

The Usenet Troll Song
to the tune of "Be our Guest"


Be a troll! Be a troll!
Let disruption be your goal -
Anything that you can do to draw attention to your role
Egoboo can be nice
Get your fix at any price
You can make entire newsgroups into clucking little birdcoops

Be a troll! Be a troll!
Pound their patience into coal
Tell the regulars they have no sense of flair
Insult their mothers too and their manners, pfoo!
Be a troll, be a troll, be a troll!

Make them burn, make them freeze
Sing of people scratching fleas
Snigger at the woes of others who are forced upon their knees
Stress and fear, jealous rage
Let them be your guiding gauge
Then accuse the quiet suckers all as nosy mother****ers

Don't be small, don't be tame
Show you have no sense of shame
Just enrage them til on stage the heads will roll
You love to shrill out flame, it's all a giant game
Be a troll, dig a hole, you're a troll.

Flaming dues, barbeques
Ought to wake 'em where they snooze
Don't forget to douse the fires with proof 307 booze
(song tangent) : 307 Ale my friends, 307 Ale!
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale!...
(ahem) Feed them slugs, feed them snails
Put their legs between their tails
And so what if you are hated cuz their nerves are really grated

When you leave, do salute
give that middle finger toot
And be proud of your achievements in your soul
For you have shown that they are evil in their way
You're a troll-l-l-l, says our poll-l-l-l, you're a troll-l-l-l!
(or, "a-ass-ho-o-o-ole!"

Jacob Sommer
December 9 2000

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You'd better go somewhere else, before you make the Freedom Eagle cry.