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Joy Honey
Not just another dumass
Join date: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 3,751
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05-20-2006 08:43
According to the story, after every Qantas Airlines flight the pilots complete a a 'gripe sheet' report, which conveys to the ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer reads the form, corrects the problem, then writes details of action taken on the lower section of the form for the pilot to review before the next flight. It is clear from the examples below that ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humor - these are supposedly real extracts from gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally, Qantas has the best safety record of all the world's major airlines.
(1 = The problem logged by the pilot.) (2 = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
1) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
2) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
1) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
1) Something loose in cockpit.
2) Something tightened in cockpit.
1) Dead bugs on windshield.
2) Live bugs on back-order.
1) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
2) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
1) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
2) Evidence removed.
1) DME volume unbelievably loud.
2) DME volume set to more believable level.
1) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
2) That's what they're there for.
1) IFF inoperative.
2) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
1) Suspected crack in windshield.
2) Suspect you're right.
1) Number 3 engine missing.
2) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
1) Aircraft handles funny.
2) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
1) Target radar hums.
2) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
1) Mouse in cockpit.
2) Cat installed.
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Reality continues to ruin my life. - Calvin
You have delighted us long enough. - Jane Austen
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant
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Surreal Farber
Cat Herder
Join date: 5 Feb 2004
Posts: 2,059
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05-20-2006 08:56
:d
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Surreal
Phobos 3d Design - putting the hot in psychotic since 2004
Come see our whole line of clothing, animations and accessories in Chaos (37, 198, 43)
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Phoenix Psaltery
Ninja Wizard
Join date: 25 Feb 2005
Posts: 2,599
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05-20-2006 09:32
Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe. Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed. Charlie: QANTAS? Raymond: Never crashed. Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia, in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!  P2
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Joy Honey
Not just another dumass
Join date: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 3,751
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05-20-2006 09:37
From: Phoenix Psaltery Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe. Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed. Charlie: QANTAS? Raymond: Never crashed. Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia, in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles! P2 Gotta watch Wapner.
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Reality continues to ruin my life. - Calvin
You have delighted us long enough. - Jane Austen
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant
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Jonquille Noir
Lemon Fresh
Join date: 17 Jan 2004
Posts: 4,025
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05-20-2006 09:41
I love those lists. Pilot gripe sheets, insurance claims, tech support calls.. all funny. I never care if they're real or not.
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Little Rebel Designs
Gallinas
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Vares Solvang
It's all Relative
Join date: 26 Jan 2005
Posts: 2,235
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05-20-2006 12:11
From: Joy Honey Gotta watch Wapner. K-Mart sucks |
