Schwan has kin in Michigan? Say it ain't so....

Mich. Man Sentenced in Sheep Abuse Case Tue Feb 14, 10:13 PM ET

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. - A man who pleaded no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep says he should not have to register as a sex offender.

Jeffrey S. Haynes said the state registry is intended to keep track of people who have committed crimes against humans.

But Calhoun County Circuit Court Judge Conrad Sindt told Haynes at his sentencing hearing that once he is released from prison, he must register with the Michigan State Police Public Sex Offender Registry.

Haynes, 42, of Battle Creek, was sentenced Monday to 2 1/2 years to 20 years in prison. He entered the plea in January. A no contest plea is not an admission of guilt but is treated as such for sentencing purposes.

Tamara Towns, an assistant prosecutor for the county, argued that Haynes should be ordered to register as a sex offender because once out of prison, he could prey on children or vulnerable adults.

Haynes said he is not a violent person and would not assault children.

"The prosecutor is being real hard on me for what I did," he said. "But I should not be treated as a child molester."

A telephone call seeking comment was left Tuesday at the Marshall office of defense attorney John B. Sullivan.

Police said Haynes had sex with a sheep at a Bedford Township farm on Jan. 26, 2005. The animal's owner caught him on the property and the sheep was found injured.

Haynes was arrested in June after a DNA sample taken from the animal matched Haynes' genetic material.

Haynes has prior convictions for burglary, home invasion and uttering and publishing, and was on parole for burglary at the time of the sex crime.

Hahahaha, they took a DNA sample from the sheep to match it. Poor guy!

*uttering*

He is into Cows too??

While the guy is obviously not right in the head this whole thing is bizarre. It's okay to kill and eat them, but if you screw them we're going to publicly shame you? There's something very wrong there.

What was the sheep's injury? And what the hell was the guy "publishing"?

What's *uttering and publishing*?

Leilany

Uttering and publishing is a crime similar to counterfeiting but with non-official documents. For example, forging a log for personal profit might be considered uttering and publishing. Another example would be the forging of a university diploma.

So that blue ribbon the sheep won was FORGED!!!

LOL!!

Thanks, Travis


Leilany

I understand your point, but when we eat an animal, we [hopefully] dispatch it quickly and humanely.

In reality, a human having sex with an animal can constitute torture to that animal. There is also a sanitary factor to be considered as there are some diseases that can be spread between animals and humans this way.

So while we do joke about it, I'm all for keeping it against the law for the sake of the animal - who for obvious reasons, cannot consent.


.

So, this guy's car breaks down in front of a farm house, and wouldn't you know it, he's broke.

He knocks on the farmer's door and tells him, "My car broke down and I need to call a tow truck. I don't have money to pay for it, but if you help me out, I can help you. I have an ability to communicate with animals, and I can tell you things that will make your farm more profitable."

The farmer accepts and takes the man out to the barn, introducing him first to the horse. The man puts his ear next to the horse's mouth. A few minutes go by, punctuated by mmhmms an ah-hahs. Finally, the man turns to the farmer.

"The horse says that if you only refrained from yelling at him so much, he'd be willing to work much harder for you," he says.

"That's amazing!" said the farmer. "Come here and talk with the cow."

Again, the man listens to the cow, then says, "The cow told me that if you just gave her a little more hay, she could boost her milk production by half."

"Fantastic!" the farmer said. "Come here and talk to the pigs!"

After consulting, the man told him, "The pigs said while they *are* pigs, you could clean out their pen every now and then. Frankly, the mess in there is spoiling their appetite."

The man, flush with pride from his ability to help, next set off for the small flock of sheep. The farmer ran after him, yelling for him to stop.

"Don't listen to those sheep," the farmer screamed. "They lie, they lie, they lie!"

OK. Thanks - Diet Coke all over my keyboard. Lying damn sheep.

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I resemble that remark!