Mixing SL with RL

Ok, since we're having having down time in SL right this moment, I'll tell you what happen to me recently.
I met someone who when I read her profile was from my hometown of New York City. I IM'd her and we spoke for a while. We flirted back and forth and departed after a while.

Later, she calls and asked to meet me somewhere which I did. When I got there she was acting totally different then the first time and even began to insult me.
I knew she wasn't the same person I had met and told her so. Turns out it was her RL boyfriend using her Avatar to come in and insult me for flirting with his girl in the game.

I couldn't believe someone would actually do something as idiotic as what he pullled. I could of reported this but its not something I do.

Strange people out here.

If nothing else, you should let her know what her BF did. I'd be totally pissed off if my BF started masquerading as me. That's a great way to lose a GF.

Reminds me of The Aviator with Hughes planting bugs in his GF's home... just creepy...

Someone may need a restraining order soon...

You should have reported it. It's against TOS to give out your password...more or less. If she doesn't know he has her password that is not a good thing. Think of all the problems he could cause for her seeing as how he already used her account to harrass someone. You wouldn't want her to get banned for something he did would you?

Ah! I get it now. When I first read it, I thought you met in RL and you didn't know at first that it was actually her boyfriend and not her.

But yeah, soap operas have NOTHING on some of the relationship drama that goes down in SL.

Most people who find a lover in real life have to go through 15-20 people on average (of course, that doesn't mean sex, it means relationships)

Online, I'd say the ballpark is more like 20 to 50 unless you're really, really lucky. On the up side I have seen it work out, I know quite a few couples that made it work and ended up living together and married.

I'm sorry, but I think the guy had a right to be mad, his girl was flirting around.. Personaly.. I would be mad too. But I don't think he should have used her av. He could have used his own.

Get a partner in REAL LIFE

He should have dumped her.

If you've got a S/o and still have cybersex, you really should tell your lover rather than let them find out.

I argee, that way they know and don't get so mad. I let my Mate know when I don't like something, and he tries his best not to do it again. It makes things less stressful on both parts. And if he knew she did that kinda stuff, and got mad anyway.. then that is his fault.

Assuming, of course, that they didn't have an agreement that she could play around online (some do)...

What an unpleasant situation.

So how did he know she was flirting with you?

Sheesh, I must be bored, why did I bother to ask? lol

If they did have an agreement.. He shouldn't have gotten so mad.

Well, that's the biggest part of the problem right there. The account owner wasn't flirting around..her online avatar inside a virtual world was flirting around. When people can't distinguish between the two "realities", that's where a lot of the drama comes in. Just an opinion, but it's an easy solution, if you have a real life relationship and feel like you can't play except as your real self, or distinguish between the two...then don't flirt and have relationships online. I am married RL but my avatar has a two-year online relationship going strong. Please notice I say "my avatar" -- I know there's some that would disagree with this, but it works just fine for me, and no drama on either side of "reality".

i totally agree you should allways be yourself..and not let v_reality ,relationships..although ..its fine too flirt..just be carfull

I agree with you there, but again like I said, if he knew she was like that.. he shouldn't have gotten so mad. But again, what if she's one of those other people who, like you say, can't distinguish between the two, and she really is flirty.. And him knowing that she was doing so mad him mad.. Either way, they really need to have a talk.

I don't really mind someone using SL to meet people and eventually get to know them in real life as well. The internet in general is just another tool to reach out to others and get to know each other. It can actually be easier to do it over the internet. You can have a feeling of safety doing it this way.

The only thing I am questioning is how did this guy get her password for her account. You shouldn't share that with anyone. Your boyfriend, your girlfriend or even your spouse. There is no reason why they need to log on to your account. If they truly loved you, they would trust you as well.

Something my dear hubby says about online, which he said about Mushes before things like SL and TSO came about. The emotions are real, the situation isn't. This makes it very hard for some people to seperate. Infact you either come to terms you dont totally seperate it and deal with the situation at hand, (depending on what each persons RL living arrangements are and how prepared they are to take the emotions into RL if you do find each other getting close) or you have one of those really rare personalities that you can totally keep yourself from getting involved.
Me, I am not sure I would want to deal with someone that could be the later. I tend to be a sensitive human being that cares about other humans so its rather difficult for me not to be friends with the person I am involved with.
I just find it sad to see so many folk online hiding their activities from their Sig other.
There isnt anything I do on SL that mine doesnt know about and is concerned over. I've seen others literally shutting down their puter cos their SO suddenly came back without warning. Seems so alien to me. But I guess that is the world

Kit

There are many different views on SL life. I use it myself to enhance a long distance relationship. My other half lives 1200 miles away from me and we can only spend on average 6-8 weeks a year together. Here we can have a house, go to a club, watch dvd's on our big screen tv. Basically we can live our rl virtually through sl.

I am one of those who has a problem with seperating myself from my avator or my sweetheart from hers. I am me, my avatar is me. However..I respect that people around me use it for different purposes ie: making money, a seperate life completely from their rl. I do not know which sexy female avatar is a male posing as one and I don't care. I don't ask people for rl information but I don't tell them off when they offer it either. I also don't hide my rl when they ask, but thats for each person to decide.

I do have a problem with other peoples views being pressed on me. If you feel your avatar is a seperate person from yourself that is your perogitive as is mine to have my avatar act/dress/care as my rl self would.

I know that I would not want to play this game without my sweetheart and I wouldn't want her to play it without me...thats because of my mentality that we are the same people. I think my mind would go crazy thinking of all the people who would be wanting and willing to use and abuse either of us.

If you have a rl, remember its more important than anything you could be doing here away from the eyes of your real life spouse. If you need to hide you actions, you are probably doing something wrong. Several people I've met here have completely seperate lives and their rl spouses have thier own outlets or have thier own avatars that are completely unattached to their rl spouses avatars. If you're second life is getting in the way of your rl, its either time to realize that your real life has taken a bad turn or your 2nd life has become your real priority.

I have to agree with Kasi on this. I met my SO online. We were 3000 miles apart in RL. Even though the first couple of years we were together in RL were really rocky (we fought like cats and dogs, I'm sure you can figure out about what lol), we've managed to stick it out and have been together for over 6 years now.

Out of curiosity, do they know about each other?

If I was the BF in this situation, I'd be mad too, but not at the AV she was hitting on.

A similar thing happened to me with a different game and an old GF, but reversed.

SL is down, what else is there to do?

He shouldn't have said anything to this guy. How could he possibly know that she had a rl b/f? If he had a problem with it he should have talked to her about it.

Regardless, this is a game and nothing more.

You have to be real naive not to think your girlfriend, wife or friend won't be hit on in a game like this one. You can just about do anything and everything and the avatars are so realistic looking. Even sex takes place here.

You don't mix rl with on-line roleplaying. This has nothing to do with rl. This is a world unto itself, totally seperate from rl.

I'm aware people have met and even married while meeting in games. But, thats not something that normally happens, its a rare occurrence.

If you're going to get upset that your girlfriend or wife flirts or gets involved with someone in a game, a game no-less, then ask her not to play or enter the game yourself and keep tabs on her. You have to be really insecure of yourself to even give it any though as its not real, its a game.

I think its a bit off the wall and immature for someone to get their feelings hurt over a game, a non-real world. It just doesn't make much sense for those who do.