The Communication factor in SL

I've been in SL for around 2 years now and here are some observations I'd like to make/share but mostly interested in others opinions.

Just through normal chit chat with several others (friends, strangers, etc...) there seems to be a common disgruntle with "rude" friends or ppl. I inquire "how so?" They get mad when they PM someone while in world but do not get a reply back right away or even at all.

Here's my take on this and its kind of a pet peeve of mine. In REAL LIFE ppl can't just say something to you in real time while you’re at work, with family, etc.. They can certainly email you or leave a message on your phone, but no one can just telepathically say...Hey! and expect an answer right away. Now if they are in your presence they certainly can approach you but if they notice you are on the phone or talking with someone or seem busy 'most' ppl don't just barge in and interrupt you. (lol...most)

So when we all come into this thing called SecondLife, there seems to be a different mentality? If I get a PM and I'm talking with someone else I usually let it sit there until I'm available. I know how ticked I get when I'm talking with someone and they don’t answer right away because they are probably running about 4-5 other PM at the same time - now that I think is rude, but I put up with it because I know we're in a different format of communication. I still think it’s rude however, lol. So since I don't like it, I don't do it to others, I'll continue to finish my conversation then proceed on to any others I have waiting. I treat it like voice mail. Am I wrong in this mindset or no?

I've found some ppl think it’s rude to not answer them right away and I don't know if I agree with that. In a virtual world you don't know everything that’s going on either in SL or RL for that matter. I'm guilty of leaving the computer desk to go get a drink or restroom (I know it’s rude to do that and not tell ppl - but hey even I have my faults)

I guess what I’m really getting at is I think we need to have an increase of patience while in this wonderful world and not be quick to assume we all are intentionally being rude? No? Yes?

Sixx

I'm guessing from the way you have written your post that English is not your first language. Your opinions will not necessarily reflect those for whom English *is* their first language. Communication is much more than choosing what appear to be the correct words, even if you get the grammar correct. In fact, those for whom English is their first language make mistakes, but usually different ones from those for whom it is a foreign language.

Now this may not be the main thrust of your "argument" but the cultural dimension still applies. What may be acceptable or desirable for one nationality may not be for another. In fact, two people from different communities within the same geographical location may have different and emphatic preferences!

To get to the crux of your argument, there are lots of reasons for not answering IMs, and quite a few mechanisms for avoiding receiving IMs if you don't want to be interrupted. What *you* consider to be acceptable behaviour might be considered rude by another, and vice versa. There is no one protocol for dealing with this.

Pep (Deal with it!)

I agree with you about rudeness in some respects. It annoys me when I'm chatting with someone in RL, they receive a text message, read it (so far it's fine) and then proceed to to reply to it without it being in any way urgent. That's rude, imo, and it does annoy me. On the other hand, the person I'm chatting with might get a phone call, and they really can't do anything other than deal with it while I'm left waiting. That's not rude.

SL is a bit different tho. Most people can carry on more than one text conversation at the same time, and usually without any of the others realising it. I'm not good at that though, but I think that most people are. I also recognise that we all get IMs while we are chatting with someone and, for me, it depends on the nature of the new communication whether I let it ride for a short time or reply to it straight away. I don't think it's rude to have multiple conversations going in SL.

Personally, if someone doesn't respond to a PM, I just figure they're busy.

What strikes *me* as rude is hiding behind alt accounts to make posts. I like to know who I'm talking to.

Of course, your mileage may vary.

Sure... blame the alts. Just wait till we take over, then you'll be sorry.

Personally, I figure if someone doesn't respond to my IM, they're busy.

The only time it's at all an issue is if I happen to be standing right next to the person, carrying on an extensive IM session, and then all of a sudden, there's a lull. But at that point, I'm not irritated, I'm just concerned that the person's in mid-crash.

Hey...how'd you get out of the dungeon???

*waves*

But I know whose you are.

This is why I think we need a "log in offline" mode.

Ditto.....I really don't hold people too accountable because I know that any number of other things could be going on with them at any given moment. I don't worry about it......I get up to pee and grab a drink too......or go outside and have a ciggy.....big deal....it's my time, I'll do what I need to do. But I also am not normally involved in big social activities....more often I am on my own doing some photos or exploring. So.....most of my conversation is in IM's and pretty scattered at that. It's fine with me...I take no offense to what ever others are involved in......

Once in a great while something will strike me as rude.......like the other night I was preparing to box up some items and a friend IM'd and asked if I wanted to join him for a dance at a big mardi gras party. I said sure......he sent me the TP and then suddenly said....."oh wait, I have to leave for a moment".....so I said...ok, I'll just hang here for a minute.
He was still in world but had TP'd away....so I waited......after about 20 minutes of waiting and no further IM's from him.....I went back to my project, screw it. I didn't bother to pester him about where he was because I had stuff to do anyway.......and I'm sure next time we chat I'll get an apology/explanation. It was rude, yes, but it wasn't the end of the world. I put enough emotional energy into my RL......I'm not going to expend any in SL over silly stuff like that. It's simply not that important to me in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I will get IM's- more than one - and not even notice cause they got swallowed by the tabs in the box- only so much fits you know- sometimes I don't ahve sound turned on and so dont get the notifier. I don't freak if someone doesn't answer me- I don't mind if they are holding other IM's at the same time- There are times of, when one should give and expect undivided attention, but honestly- I don't think anyone needs to drop what ever they are doing to talk to me if I call them.

You obviously don't own a cell phone.

*ding* Twitter
*ding* txtmsg
*song* someone's calling
*ding* Facebook msg

*click* phone gets turned off

That's the step you can't really take in SL without logging out.

None of that happens with my cell phone.

It just sits there silent...set to vibrate...waiting... *sigh*

Now I have this image of a desert rat lying down on a cellphone.

"Someone call me already, my back's killin' me!"

Among my few friends, it is not considered rude to carry on multiple conversations in IM. It is not ALWAYS rude to delay answering someone, depending on the circumstances. HOWEVER, I find it very rude for people to have multiple conversations going and sometimes rude for an extended delayed response, like in the middle of a conversation when they just stop talking for some reason (usually because they've begun another conversation), but not necessarily at the beginning.

If I IM someone at a time they can normally talk and don't get an answer or don't get an answer right away, I assume they are busy, have stepped away from their computer, are crashing, etc. I also expect that if people are actually busy and unable to talk at a time they are normally available to chat (at times they aren't normally at their SL jobs or whatever), they will set themselves to "busy" mode, uncheck their "online" status and/or just say "i'm busy, can't talk".

Personally, I can't carry on more than one conversation at a time and I like to have an actual conversation as opposed to "chatting" or talking without giving any thought to the response.

So, if I am already talking to person one and person two sends me an IM, if it's obvious they want to talk, I say I can't talk right then. If they are saying something that requires a very short response but aren't wanting to have a conversation, I respond to person two and get back to person one.

I go round and round with these friends, and especially my significant other, about having multiple conversations at once. To me it's kinda like those people who drive while on their cell phones: They THINK they are driving just fine, however, they are not and I know it because I'm the one behind them. So, many people THINK they can have multiple conversations at once and give thought and attention to each conversation, but when I am on the receiving end of someones very fractured attention, I can tell they are not able to have multiple conversations at once, no matter what they might think.

So, just in my small circle of friends, IM/conversation etiquette is mixed although I think I'm the only one who gets truly annoyed about it.

So, the answer to is various things that happen in communicating with others is rude or not is: "it depends, because everyone is different".

found a documentary just surfing the web that sorta takes a negative look at SL and stuff, it's kinda interesting
Part 1: http://www.veoh.com/videos/v15581741xpta5dwF
Part 2: http://www.veoh.com/videos/v15581743E8Xb7G5r

Unfortunately, there is no way to "uncheck your online status" in SL, and setting busy mode can trash asset delivery.

I would love a 'log in as invisible' option; I do know people that get upset if you don't respond to IM's right away (WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME???) kinda thing. The worst is when you get hit the instant they see your name, before you are even rezzed. Last night I logged on and as I was rezzing (which had it's own issues) I got a frantic IM from someone on my sim, Treasure, Treasure! Why is confetti falling from the sky? Is it a griefing? lol (Ummm doubt it, as griefers don't usually bombard with confetti) I wanted to say would ya give me a minute? I do try to wait when I see someone logging in, before I start in on them. I do have one friend that I had to tell. When he sees me logging on he starts in saying hello in like 50 languages, one after the other. It's SO annoying. Finally he asked Are you there? I responded yes, but I am not answering while you're doing that. Just give me a few minutes before you start in on me, ok? Well then he got his feelings hurt, said he was just glad to see me, and yeah I felt bad. Can't win.

If I do not want to be disturbed, I uncheck being shown as online to all my friendslist after I sign in. If they really, really want to know if I'm online or not, there are other ways they can find out but a casual glance at their friendslist will show I am not online and makes it less likely they will IM me. Assuming, of course, that SL cooperates with my request to not show me online to my friends at that particular time.

If someone is out shopping or regularly gets assets delivered, no, of course they should not put themselves on "busy". However, if they are "getting busy" in the privacy of their home or something, there is no reason not to turn on busy mode and that is a lot easier than stopping 20 times to say, "can't talk, I'm naked" or completely ignoring the incoming IM.

Neither of these things would work for someone who runs a business that regularly gets business IM's or someone who might have gobs and gobs of people on their friendslist and never has a quiet moment, even when they are they are truly not online. But, for me, unchecking my online status on my friendslist, setting busy mode or simply saying I can't talk right now, are my preferred methods and the methods I prefer others use, if possible. Then again, as I said, I have a very small group of friends and using one of those three methods should not be a problem for any of them or for me.

What i hate is when im about to log off, half asleep late at night and someone wants to talk biz. I tell them im about to log off and that i can speak with them tomorrow and they keep going on and on. so sorry...not computing...brain is in off mode. lol

why for you post vids already no longer dere? ;0

:0 certainly guilty of that... thing is, past a certain point rl takes precidence, and if a rw person is calling on my phone, then i 'hafta take it'. (i can take it and then beg off to return the call if need be, but still - and it's a tough juggle, yes, because i could be actively engaging with a vendor-site host or some other business associate online at the same time.) i'm just sure to pass along my apologies and reason to who i was dealing with when i get back to them... 'sucks sometimes. :\ but just happens, and 'hasta happen' sometimes, whether i or anyone else likes it or not...

You can only do that to about half a dozen friends at a time (so it would take me about a quarter of an hour - a net loss for something I'm doing to SAVE TIME), and it doesn't do anything for people who are IMing from search.

Since I regularly get assets delivered, that's another impossibility.

ALL OF THIS was pointed out to LL when they started messing around with the friends list.

http://jira.secondlife.com/browse/VWR-468