Ever get 'unwittingly' drawn into drama?

I ask because I'm curious how people handle it when drama hits out of left field.

This doesn't actually involve me....but when I realized what was happening it really pissed me off and I bit my tongue simply to avoid any direct involvement. In brief...I was invited to write for an art magazine and I was totally excited and into it......things went really well....all the people involved were uber cool.....first issue came out, gallery opened and all seemed to flow smoothly. I was not..and am not....close with anyone at the magazine....so I wasn't at all aware there was any drama going on with the owner until I happened on a post in flickr.

I'll spare the details cause it would be way too long a story.....but basically the owner of the magazine wound up shutting down after being accused of all kids of crap (none of which had ANYthing to do with his magazine or the gallery...all personal drama) I can't imagine why he would have allowed it to affect his busines.....but it did.....

cut to 24 hours later.......I get an invite by one of the former staff to write for another magazine (this person not having been involved in the drama......but I later found had clearly taken sides) I said ok.....cause i love the idea of writing and being involved in the art community...... later I attended a meeting.....and wouldn't ya know, the person starting the new magazine was the same person who slandered the other guy and really inappropriately put all kinds of personal sh** on flickr. It was totally obvious that all he was doing was trying to undercut the other guy.....and start his own magazine as....I don't know...vengence.... a slap in the face. But, after attending the meeting, it was clear the whole thing was totally thrown together, no organization or structure as to how they were going to do things. I was floored..... it was such a transparent situation.....and i politely told them I was not going to have enough time to get involved at this point.

Now this seems mild..... but the stuff being posted on flickr was so childish and viscious and really....nobody's business. The guy being accused, who shut his own gallery and magazine....from what I knew of him....was really a sweetheart and just wanted to do something for the art community.... This other guy just seems like all he wants to do is take revenge for imagined wrongs. He seems obsessed.......

It's killing me not to confront him on what a transparent and underhanded thing he's doing......but I just do NOT want to be involved in any way. My fear is...I've backed out because I recognize the ill intent...... and I plan on writing again for the original magazine when the guy re-opens in august......but I'm really worried that this other wingnut is going to slander anyone who's involved...as he so obviously took great pains to hurt this poor guy to begin with.

yeah this is long winded...sorry...... but, would you step up and make your feelings known.....or would you just keep quiet (as I have so far) and hope the drama blows over....and hope it doesn't bite you in the ass if you decide to team up with the first guy again in business. (also, this was all a free magazne..there was no finances involved for any of us....we were doing it for our love of art in SL)

Wow Milla, terrible situation. I hope the drama settles down around you and the situation get's some sort of balance! As for your questions...well, I tend to stay away from drama. If it comes out of left field, I would probably have done what you did. Just stay out of it and do what I felt was right. I have to admit though that at times, situations like this could get me fired up to the point of confrontation, which would only make me feel better and doesn't actually help the situation, but that's at times. It is difficult to stand on the sidelines and watch what you think is an injustice to someone develope around you.

I'm sure by August, well hopefully, things will settle down and your friend will be able to get his magazine up without a continuance of this behavior from his competitor!

* I want to read your article, pm me the magazine when it goes out

Personally, I send him a notecard, telling him what I think of it, but that's me

It sounds to me like you handled it in the best way possible given the circumstances. Often there is no way to get out completely unscathed, you just have to try to minimize it effects on you and hope it does not escalate.

/me does not deal with drama

i come to SL to get away from RL drama, got me buggered why people want to bring it into our world. i take steps to avoid it as soon as i see it coming. i'd suggest you do the same otherwise you'll stop enjoying your second life.

wingnut...love that word

-Crunch

Milla, as tempting as it must be to tell this guy off, in doing so you give him the drama he craves. My experience has been that where drama is concerned, the best reaction is no reaction. YMMV

I'd probably ditch both parties and find a completely unrelated mag to write for...

Totally off-topic, but Crunch Underwood...


Out of curiosity, why'd you name your place Laputa? My first thought was "La Puta" in Spanish...

<off topic>
yes we get alot of spanish visitors lol (la puta means the whore in spanish for those that don't know).

there are 2 reasons i named it that, there is a flying city in the book gullivers travels named Laputa (the original reason for the name) and also a popular anime of the same name. The city is not a reflection of either, just named after them.

for anyone interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laputa

-Crunch
</off topic)

I've thought of starting my own actually. But....I'll hang back until august at least...since I'm moving IRL and things are about to get really hectic for me anyway. But yeah, I do stay away from drama cause that is not what I want out of my SL experience. I was just talking to my sister about some of the crazy sh** I've seen go on and she was floored ..... actually she laughed.....she is like me..... she could never become that immersed in a cyber reality. RL just is way more important...and better energy is spent in keeping RL as drama free as possible.

Laputa was one of the lands visited by Lemuel Gulliver in his Travels. Most people only know about Lilliput and Brobdingnag, because both of those were in the movie version.

And Milla, I agree you should start your own rag. Then hire the friend who got shafted as the assistant editor.

Kewlies. Just wondered! I didn't know that about Gulliver. I learn something new every day.

Why am I not surprised by that?

I haven't exactly been in that situation drama wise but I have had my share of drama even though I usually try to avoid it because I got enough rl stuff going on.
Yet sometimes with those I have become closest to here there is some uncomfortable stuff that happens.
I don't always know how to handle it one time I snap at several people in this group and now I usually try to avoid interacting them unless I feel like I can be nice.
I realize either way these people really don't care nor can care about anyone else then themselves and tend to take everything personal slam against them so I avoid them.
It doesn't matter what I do if I spend any time with them they are going to be judgmental, hostile or defensive and I just don't have the energy or patience for that any where.

I would avoid the drama, but not if it meant abandoning a friend.

Hi Milla! /me waves to you!


I would just stay out of it and not say anything. I'm sure deep down the guy knows he is being a jack ass. No need to involve yourself and give him that kind of attention.

heyas;

something i learned from my near brush with... drama.

somebody accused me of copying one of her designs or ideas. she didnt actually accuse me to my face, but she went about im'ing my partner all sorts of terrible things. accusations, screaming, and then went on to say she was telling everyone in the particular community that my partner and i were thieving evil people.

these accusations were completely unfounded (im a totaly copyright cop, actually!), and so this started to degenerate into slander. my partner began to percieve a change in attitude of some of the community towards her. and possibly me, but im thicker skinned and didn't notice, and/or thought people were just joking.

however, it COULD have had a negative impact on our business if things got out of hand. we contacted the leader of the community who assured us nobody took these accusations seriously.

things seemed to take a downturn, and i started feeling the paranoia. did i copy someone inadvertantly? are my ideas unique enough? (actually, nobody can copyright an IDEA, but people could point and say 'you stole this idea, you copied that from so and so.')

the worst thing was, i couldn't DO anything about it. i was about to tell this person to file a DMCA takedown order or shut up, but it was clear that my build was not a copy of her build, and that her only intent was to turn the community against us. i really didn't want a big confrontation, i didn't want to tear the community apart in a feud, or having people take sides, or have any mud-slinging. it was awful, and i became severely depressed again.



but then i realized something very important. nobody WAS listening to these lies. this person was NOT destroying my reputation with this community. BUT... if i continued acting paranoid and started snapping at people for harmless remarks -- i would destroy MYSELF by alienating all these people.

so... i forgot about it and went on my merry way. and i'm much happier now :)


um, so the moral of my story is... someone attacking you might not harm you as much as you attacking back. since you are ancillary to your situation, and not the main player.... then yes, staying out of it and not 'escalating' things is probably your best bet.


however personally, i would not have lied to the person about why you quit their magazine staff. i would have told them, quite calmly, that i do not approve of the inappropriate actions they have taken and have no desire to work for such a person. (of course... im very mean and have a terrible habit of speaking my mind. ;) )

that could also result in this person turning and attacking YOU, too. what really sucks is if they tell lies about you, there's not really anything you can do to refute them except to say they're lies. ::shrug:: people will believe whatever they want, anyway.

I'm kinda with Bloodsong here. I would have politely told the person why I didn't want to get involved with their mag, and then just bow out of the ensuing drama.

By keeping quiet, we let the vicious gossipmongers have it all their way. I'm not saying get involved in a drama fest, just state your own support of the wronged party.

Anyway that's how i see it...