Etiquette Qestion

What is the difference between being a griefer and throwing a garden variety hissy fit. I've done the latter twice in the last 48 hours.

The first time occured via IM on a dance floor where a dancer with either a moneymaking box or a bottle of Jack Daniels accidentally bopped me on the head about half a dozen times before a managed to get out of the way. Normally, I have a sense of humor about such things. I've been stepped on and kicked on numerous dance floors. Being 4'8" in world contributes to that. Little avatarot get stepped on. The bonking though, was something new.

I IMed my assailant and told him to please "show some consideration." Yes, I knew it was an accident. It just wasn't exactly fun.

Incident number two occured in a sandbox. I'm African American in Second Life and I make my own hair. It is ethnic hair often in outrageous shades. I was wearing a kind of "mushroom" in orange which looked a bit like a helmet. It went with my clothes. It was not my best hair, but it was MY HAIR and I felt comfortable wearing it.

I got handed a box of flexi-prim hair by some kind soul. Fine, I took it. I was never going to use it, but one box I could deal with. The two or three boxes that followed plus a box of new skins for which I did not ask, left me feeling pissed off and patronized. It would have been one thing if I had admired the giver's hair and asked where she got it etc... or gotten into a conversation about hair making. I was busy torturing a prim and we had no such conversation.

I felt patronized and extremely insulted. I went ballistic. I launched into a lecture on how I liked my hair. "My hair is nappy and kinky and coarse! I dye it all kinds of colors. I like it that way!" I don't react well to people who want to turn me caucasian in Second Life or who want to make me thin like Barbie.


My quesiton is when does a "hissy fit" turn into griefing. I have a right to show some spine sometimes, don't I? I'm still feeling the rage.

I don't consider a hissy fit to be "griefing". Screaming at the top of your lungs isn't causing lag or displacing people, or their things.

And try to understand too, that people just thought they were being helpful.

Well, none of what you described was griefing. When you start in with lolcubes, gray goo attacks, and weapons fire, then maybe you've gone too far.

Sounds far from griefing to me.

Now if you hunted them down the next day and continued your rant, I might have to change my opinion.

Unsolicited inventory offers = spam = potential for an Abuse Report. You were right to be angry at someone interfering with your activity with their own agenda. It may have not been the best idea to go off on them, as they can twist it into verbal abuse in their own terms. (>_<

BUT!!!

They're the griefers... Not you. (^_^)

In some of the more secure sandboxes I spend time at, something like that could earn the "giver" a temp-ban. (^_^)

Heh... I have a gesture... It says:

"Yes, I am solid here...
Thanks for proving that for yourself...
Now, WALK AROUND NEXT TIME!!! (>_<"

=^-^=

I'd just drop anvils on their heads.

But that's just me.

Depends on who you talk to. Griefer is one of the most overused trems in SL. Some people go hysterical just at the mention of it. I always consider a griefer someone who causes mayhem on a sim wide scale, or who who just randomly go wilding. I once came across 2 juvenile twats who were having a grand time pushing random people around in a noob store, flying into them and pushing them into corners and bouncing them around. That's griefing. being rude to someone on a personal level is just being rude. All griefers are rude obnoxious jerks, but not all rude obnoxious jerks are griefers.

What a relief!

Pep (<= Not necessarily a griefer then)

Somewhere between 12 and 15 years old usually. But then I have known teenagers who are past griefing because they are already bored with it. Conversly, i have seen more than one college aged person throwing screaming hissy fits. However in general, in early teenage years one progresses from throwing fits to griefing and then moves on to a more socially tolerant attitude shortly after high school.

You had every right to be angry. I loathe random skin/hair/clothes handouts when they just keep coming. Especially when you say you know where the freebies are. :/ It's really insulting because I make my own clothes (WIPs) and it's like they're not only attacking my sense of style, but my art too.

Cynster, you nailed it. I make my clothes and hair and a lot of it is quite avant garde and not to everyone's taste. I had a posing stool. (First cousin to a posing stand) and was torturing the heck out of a poor torus. That should have told her I was not a noob. This particular area of SL has quads and furries in it fairly often and a fair amount of goths. I'm wondering if the reaction I elicited relates to the nationality of the folks in this part of SL.

What's a torus?

What do you mean by nationality? You were talking about furries and quad(ropeds?) but those are not nations.

About your original post, you were within your rights, I think. If that's all you said in the first instance you even went easy. It could be they were away from their keyboard, or drunk, or who knows. On the telephone. In those clubs the randomised dances sometimes make avs wander a bit and that could've happened while they were not looking.

I once got repeatedly kicked by an 'exuberant' dancer (they weren't even drunk) at a club, (in real life) I just kept moving and smiling and hoping they'd get a clue. Especially since the dance floor was nearly empty...they just felt like spinning. Lol Some people are kind of unobservant in RL why not in SL. A shame though.

The 2nd person was thoughtless, they probably did not mean to be rude but they should have asked. I like helping people who want help - but I ask first if they need any. Then I ask what they need. If they say clothes, shoes, etc., I ask what kind. If they say any or they don't know, (but they want some) I either ask something else or just hand them some things. How much depends upon how they react and how distracted or disinterested they are. In other words, I try to be appropriate...Just to go up and spam someone with stuff isn't great.

I wouldn't assume it was a racist gesture though...giving skins doesn't mean they wanted you to be another skin color. It may be they don't even know what was in that folder. I have so many things by now I'm not sure either what all the skins are any more. I think I have a wide variety, but who knows. But if they didn't pay enough attention to ask if you wanted ANYthing, they're not gonna pay enough attention to see what color the skins in that folder are either most likely. And handing you hair doesn't mean it's because it was straight hair and yours wasn't.

Sounds like they just thought you needed stuff, to me, but ymmv. You weren't griefing though. Griefers enter a place solely to disrupt and damage. You were just trying to mind your own biz.

There are different areas within SL devoted to different real world nationalities, for example Brazilians, Koreans, Japanese etc... The types of avatarim one sees and some of the social mores change from one nationality to the next. I don'tknow if it's fair to generalize and I don't want to name names or let loose with a fairly ugly rant on this board. "National characteristics" in SL would make an interesting discussion. Both the sandbox and club were in nonEnglish speaking nonAmerican parts of SL.

There nothing wrong with saying Please stop sending me stuff I don't need
anything more in my inventory or I don't want any more avatar hair.
That doesn't make you a griefer.
Torus is prim shape used often used for hair for those who don't know.

The first one was definitely annoying. I'd have moved away from said idiot and if they had followed me, THEN verbally warned them. After that, It's an AR.

The second one, I would have gone a more polite approach, since the person probably thought they were being 'helpful.' "Thank you, but I really don't need help with my appearance." This makes helpful person feel like they 'helped,' but you aren't obligated to accept further help from them. When I was a newer account, I usually added, "But if you have tips on torturing prims that might augment my own skills, I'd be glad for that help!"

But you should never feel obliged to accept help from people. I always preferred to hunt them out myself.