I crave attention...

If I'm not the centre of attention for some reason then I tend to pick on a small issue and blow it up out of all proportion. I did this recently and was very mean to a close friend, who I wouldn't even dream of hurting under 'normal' circumstances.
I seem to be like Jekyll/Hyde, 99% of the time I'm nice and kind (so I believe), but then out of the blue I just turn.

I've not been in-world since, I'm too ashamed to be honest.

I am not like this in RL at all.

Is this a result of spending too much time in-world maybe...? I'm feeling like I'm ignored cos there are so many people and things to do, and not all of them involve me...? Unlike in RL where my 'friends list' has maybe two or three names on it, in SL it is nearer hundred.

This kind of behaviour from me is happening more often, only once last year, but two times so far this year. I'm fearful that my friends are going to eventually say they've had enough of me.

Maybe I need to take a break from SL for awhile. But after only one or two days offline I miss it too much and have to return. Plus I have a 'job' on here.

Anyone relate to my problem..? Or am I just as confused as I always have been...

Perhaps it's something to do with, when you log in, and you are with people, you've done a posiitive action to socialise, and you're sitting at your computer for the purpose of socialising. If you're not actually socialising, you are still sitting at your computer wanting to socialise, and it's understandable that it doesn't feel good. It's not like RL, where you can do all sorts of things. Sitting at the computer is a specific, and ongoing, action and, if what you want to happen isn't happening, it's not good. It's difficult to explain exactly what I mean.

Different people have different natures. Some want to be very involved in the social activity, others prefer to be involved only a little, and others like to watch rather than be involved too much (I'm one of the latter). Imo, the best thing for you to do, when you feel the urge to hit out at not being very involved, is to TP somewhere else, or log out, and give yourself the opportunity to 'have a word with yourself' away from the situation, before you do something you'll regret.

There are drama queens (and kings) in SL? NO WAI!

That makes a lot of sense Phil. Maybe I log in to SL expecting 'something' to happen, not necessarily knowing what that 'something' will be, then when it doesn't happen I feel like I'm missing out.

Usually I'm quite happy to go along with the flow and watch things happen without being the centre of attention. I'm trying to figure out what triggers my sudden personality change, so sudden that even I am shocked.

Logging off or tp'ing away would be the best thing to do I think. I just need to fight this attitude that I have of always having to have the last word too lol

So I believe...

You and me both

We all have varying moods, and mostly they lurk underneath and are not even noticeable. Even to ourselves, we appear to be in a particular mood - good, bad, neutral - but underneath we are less neutral than we think, for instance, and something can cause what's undeneath to suddenly come out more readily than it would at another time when we think we are in a neutral mood.

Example:
A couple of days ago I went in to chat with someone, as I do most days. I was perfectly fine (in a neutral mood). Then she said something that I didn't like. On that occasion, I decided that I didn't have to put up with it, said goodnight, and logged off instantly, leaving her to wonder what happened, and it upset her. To me, I was in a perfectly neutral mood, but underneath I was in a condition to do that - I was ready to turn.

Now that I think about it there were a couple of times last year when I logged out without saying anything, simply because things weren't going my way.

Afterwards I felt bad for having done that, but I'm sure it is certainly the better option than standing around and picking a fight for no good reason.

I completely agree. I felt bad after the other night too, but it was much better than sounding off.

I'm glad you wrote this post. Being on SL was a revelation to me because, unlike many people here, I had never played a game like WoW or hung out in chat rooms. I was new to the whole talking to strangers thing.

When I joined SL I felt like I fell down a rabbit hole. I stayed up all night several times chatting with (mostly) men from all over the world. After years of passive media consumption, SL was a place I acted out my fantasies. SL became a mirror in which i saw the hidden parts of my personality. Problem is, this self- involved frame of mind is not conducive to actual conversation with other people. Narcissism is a painful condition and ultimately its pursuit feels sociopathic. You can't simultaneously be admiring the tauntness of your avatar's tummy while exercising real interest in another human being.

I understand that, while there are people who can play SL and remain in a healthy frame of mind, (mostly computer geeks who enjoy the technical stuff, I think), SL is a very unhealthy pasttime for me. I came on today to have a look around before closing my account. I learned alot on SL, but I am also feeling a real sense of relief to leave it.

I'm sorry to hear you're leaving Abby. I have considered it a few times myself over the last year or so, but I doubt I would ever actually go ahead with it. The good times I have had on here far outweigh the bad ones. That actually makes it even more annoying when I do have a bad mood swing because it's not like I'm always in a bad mood or seeking attention.

Maybe wandering off-topic now, but I'm looking for reasons that may help explain why my behaviour has altered. I changed the appearance of my av a month or so back, to a slightly more 'tougher' look, thinner face and a bit more 'attitude' in the way she walks, dances etc. I prefer the new look much more than the old one.
Maybe this is complete nonsense but is it possible that the appearance of an av can affect the personality of that av? In effect my av looks tougher so in my mind she must act tougher...

That isn't my current av.

That pic was when I was in one of my fun moods. Standing next to me but off-pic is the person that I hurt recently while in one of my bad moods, which prompted me to post here.

That silly fun image evokes a feeling of remorse in me now, not laughter...

Certainly the image change of your avatar can affect your mood, but the truth is, you are the one who sculpted the new look to begin with, so I would say the tougher persona in you is emerging and not the other way around. You are now about to enter a scary phase. I predict businesswear in your future. I carried an attache case around for a week. Tip: ParkWest has great pantyhose, very professional.

Just did my victory lap...gave L743 to Obama in SL (nuts to you Colette)...and 200L to random newbies, who didn't seem to appreciate it...set my land to Abandon (did you know that orbits you out of it?)...gave as much transferable jewelry and clothes as i could before i got tired to a very nice mentor on Help Island...IMed my oldest friends to say adios, I loved you....and now i'm off to retrieve my cc info from SL. I'm freeeeeee! PS No point in posting sarcastic replies to me, forum regulars, because i won't be able to view forums after I delete my account. Pie in your face!

Its just a completely new human experience for the mind to merge the experiences in SL with the real emotions and non physical motions of RL. Its just an adjustment process and something to learn. I hope you can still go back and learn from this. I am sure you are not the only one adapting to this life. Good Luck.

Hi Sakura,

I was just chatting with a new friend last night who observed (correctly I think) that SL seems to heighten emotions in a lot of folks. I don't pretend to know the psychology behind that kind of effect on folks but I do think that often times certains parts of our personality can be magnified when interacting in a virtual setting. Possibly we feel a little bit more free to 'be' ourselves as we are not necessarily beholden to anyone in SL.

For myself, I have a very detached personality. IRL and in SL. I look at SL as 'mine' when I am in world. I am in it to do my thing....I pay for my land and my goodies and I don't like any demands put on my time. IRL I am very independent by nature and though I really love being with friends and socializing.....I prefer most of the time to do my own thing. Social settings to me are draining....having to be 'on' for people. I have no problem working with people......been in customer service in some capacity most of my life and have always excelled in human interaction skills.....diplomacy and problem solving are my strengths. But..... when I'm not 'working'..... I am just me......and I am a loner. I find I'll get really annoyed when someone wants to just hang out lol because I don't like to just hang out.....I like working on creative projects in SL....exploring and photographing.

What I'm saying I guess is that SL can really teach us a lot about ourselves. It puts certain behaviors under a microscope and forces us to deal with the consequences. IRL we are probably a little bit more careful because we are so directly accountable for our behaviors.....but in SL I think people tend to dismiss accountability until it comes back to bite them unexpectedly in the ass. lol I think just the fact that you are recognizing this little quirk in yourself is a good sign. Don't freak about it......try to undertsand it. Try to step outside yourself. Often times our expectations with SL are not to clearly defined....we don't know what to expect when we join...so it can be overwhelming and frustrating when everyone is running around with their own agenda.....yet at the same time trying to interact and thus fit in with others expectations.

Sounds like a nightmare! If I end up like that then I will leave SL for sure



Adios Abby. Even though we never met it's always sad to see someone leave. Hope you find what you're looking for, good luck with whatever that may be.

Hi Milla

You make a lot of good points there.

The point you make about accountability is the key thing for me. We are effectively behind a barrier by being on SL, safe in the knowledge that whatever trouble we may cause, either intentionally or unintentionally, all we have to do is log off and it will go away.
But of course most times that is not the case, behind the other av that I'm hurting with my words there is a person with real feelings and emotions.
Ironically I have told others in-game that very same thing, now I need to practice what I preach...

That is a great response. I am learning this as well.

I agree with Colette, that is a great response and really helps to put things in perspective.

Thank you