What is the best way to handle this one?

I met a very nice guy on SL. He's sweet and kind and has a good sense of humor. he's the kind of guy that actually makes you want to be with him in RL because you know that he will treat you like a lady. We met when I was involved with someone else(having issues with him) and over the course of a month or so, I left the other guy and yes..I moved in with Mr. Nice. We speak daily on the phone and the conversations are great. In actuality, our RL relationship is much better than our SL relationship because he's only on SL 1 or 2 days a week. I am on everyday, I love to build houses, objects, etc. Mr. Nice is not providing me with a good SL experience so I'm often left building and I spend alot of time with my previous guy(cant seem to shake him). Is it possible to remain friends with Mr. Nice in RL and not on SL?

I want my sl experience to be a great one and Mr. Nice is not doing it for me. How do I approach this subject with Mr. Nice without being mean?

try the truth

lol...yep I thought about that, I guess I'm afraid of losing the RL friendship that we've developed. But I figure why should I not have the SL that I want right? After all...its SL

The kind of friendship where you are able to be honest with each other is worth a lot more than the kind where you are dancing around trying to tell the right lies to keep things going.

Before giving a good answer, we would have to know what you mean by a good/great SL experience. We can't be sure exactly what he isn't providing you.

like the others said try the truth if the RL friendship is worth risking then keep doing as you are.

One of the forum regulars here, (Bith, I think) has in her sig line "I am not responsible for your SL experience" (paraphrase). I love that and it's so true, although she was referring to Adult Content, it still applies to other things. Make your own SL, it's YOUR imagination, be more self sufficient and rely on yourself for your happiness, and less on looking at someone else to 'provide' it for you. That works for rl, too.....

Friendship is more valuable than a 2 week steamy romance.

A True Mr. Nice won't have a problem with that at all.....no matter how awkwardly it comes out in your explanation. Maybe find a better phrase than "you're not doing it for me".....that could crush almost anyone's ego....lol.

If he tosses out a valuable friendship because you're moving in a different direction in SL or RL.....then he wasn't Mr. Nice.

What I mean is that I enjoy exploring different sims in sl, dancing and socializing with others. Since Mr. Nice is not on often or when he comes on, its for an hour...we're not able to experience all that SL has to offer. Sex? to me that's secondary to everything else.

Look, if you enjoy Mr. Nice, and you enjoy SL, there's no reason you can't have both.

Well, one, maybe...if what you mean by "enjoying SL" means "having virtual sex with someone in SL", you better be sure that Mr. Nice doesn't mind. And you better be sure that the other person/people you meet in SL don't, well, prove to be so attractive that Mr. Nice gets moved aside, you know?

Where is your relationship with this guy going? I'm pretty sure that it won't be satisfying to either of you to keep it strictly on the telephone. Think: do you want to meet this person in RL, and see if things develop further? That's one path, and it entails its own set of problems and risks and possible rewards.

If not, if what you both want is a long distance relationship, then you should discuss that, too...and point out that you can be a lot, er, closer in SL than you can be on the phone.

I'm gonna camp on the side of honesty here too....as everyone has pretty much stated.

But I also agree that YOUR SL experience is up to YOU. If mr. nice cannot be in SL that often.....well that's noones fault or obligation. SL provides a great fantasy life for many....and for others it's an extension into RL. It sounds to me like the two have become blurred. But, the reality is you've connected with mr. nice and there's no reason a real friendship cannot blossom (if it isn't already) If it's a genuine human connection.....then mr. nice isn't going to be concerned about what else you do in SL. It's certainly way too early in the game for a petty issue of jealousy or possession to come up. And if it does, then lemme tell ya, that's a red flag anyway.

Your best bet is to be honest and direct with mr. nice.....and be honest with yourself. You have every right to pursue your SL experience in a way that makes you happiest......and noone else is going to define that except you. If you're looking for an SL romance that remains in SL....great....that can happen. But as soon as you transfer it into RL....you've really got to lay your cards down and be honest with people. It can become quite the disasterous dance if you try and manipulate people to satisfy your needs. That's not fair to do IRL....and it isn't fair in SL (sadly, it's just easier in SL)

Be honest....let the chips fall where they may.....in the long run you'll be way better off.

I don't usually chime in here. Having had a rather bad experience with someone that sounds quite similar to Mr. Nice, I will.

First red flag: He was extremely insistent on RL connections. Phone, chat, rl visit.
Second red flag: Once he got his way with beginning RL connection, the SL connection went practically dead.

Bottomline was that his main objective was controlling me. He was all get and no give. Yes his charm was well polished. But it was all talk!

It shouldn't work that way. Unless that's your kink, or something.

Thanks for responding...I get what everyone is saying. It was difficult for me to be in a SL relationship because I've always been a free spirit and enjoyed building and exploring SL and there was no pressures, no obligations to anyone, etc.

I think I was feeling that because I had agreed to this *relationship* that I was also partly responsible for his SL experience when he came on. As I look back at things i realize that part of the reason that he is not on SL often is because he chooses not to be. As I write this, I can see things a bit clearer now, I dont want to hurt anyone but yes if our RL friendship is *real* then it shouldnt make a difference.

for me it's all virtual until all senses are clicking..phone or sl..
it's RL when i can slap him or kiss him

its been a few weeks but I wanted to say thank you to everyone for their input. I broached the subject and he said that our r/l frienship means so much more to him than our relationship and he understood. So everything has been great.