Slander . . . tired of it!

Hello Everyone:

I hope that I am posting in the right area. It seems so after I read the guidelines. I have been having an issue for over a month. I have spoken to SL friends about it but of course they love me and tend to want to go kick butt, which seems to be the "Gorean Way" these days.

My issue is that there is a person who did not agree with how I handled a matter in Gor. Not sure if any of you are familiar with that RP. Whether she agreed with it or not, I did not go outside of any SL guidelines. I ignored her postings in groups and what she had to say within her profile. Now, I am feeling that she has gone too far by twisting things about my RL and spreading lies about what occured in SL.

I do believe that what a person says in their profile is their business but when you spread things that you have no proof of and it causes another to have an unpleasant experience, that isn't right.

I would like to know if there is anything that I can do to stop it. I am ashamed to say that I lowered my standards by stating negative things about that person, in my profile because I am just sick of people sending me nasty notes. I don't mind when people ask me to explain my side. Once I do, they have a better understanding. I am going to remove what I wrote because that is just not me but I would like some help. I do like SL and most of the people are so wonderful. I am just tired of the slander.

Thanks for any help you can provide and please feel free to view my profile. I am sorry that all of the things that were pleasant are gone but I will add them back. I have notes if anyone thinks they can help and may need more information.

If their profile statements violate the rules on Disclosure then you should definitely AR them.

If it is harassing statements you also may have results ARing them. (have heard of this working)

There are two sides to every story and the person who is treating you badly may somehow feel that she's entitled to make these comments, if she somehow feels that she is "in the right" and that this is an appropriate way of handling it. Sounds like grade school, but there it is.

No idea if you can report this as abuse but it seems to me that the best way is to remove any responses you have in your profile and just walk away for a while. Take the high road. Eventually people will get bored of this.

Obviously other people have chosen sides in this and it's just turned ugly, perhaps beyond the point where these bridges can be repaired. Why be part of this drama? People on her "side" are not suddenly going to come to some brilliant realization that she is wrong and you are right, no matter what disclaimers you put in your profile.
No shortage of RP sims in SL.

This reminds me of something my momma always said. "When you play with pigs you get dirty." To the op: take it as a lesson and stay out of the pigpen.

Abuse Report it.

Plain and simple it is agaisnt the ToS to put things in a profile about an avatar or person that offends that person. Same as the "no names" policy here on the forums.

If this person has a valid complaint agaisnt the OP, then they can use valid channels. Otherwise they can be quiet.

~Jessy

It's been awhile since I have read about this so it may have changed, but I think you can only disclose to anyone else what is on a persons sl profile (first) page. It is against the TOS to give out anyone elses rl infornation unless of course it was discussed in chat by the person it is about. Can anyone else expand on that? Be sure and keep all of your logs and anything else regarding this abuse so you can toss it at the Lindens if you decide to AR that person.

brain isnt working today only on my seconde cup of coffee.

When all is said and done, and all is done and dusted ... and all has been addressed ... mute is your friend. Especially applied early before things spiral.

Abuse report her tho unless it's really really BAD there might not be any action. You could get your friends to also AR if they see it and are also offended as there is power in numbers.

Frankly, not being interesting enough to retaliate is the best plan in my experience.

DISCLOSURE of RL info is against the ToS but that's more along the lines of real world info - names ... addresses etc.

I'm sorry to hear about your drama--however, I think posting slanderish things in your own profile about other people is utter garbage...the lowest of the low. It's extremely immature. I can't even fathom...

Don't stoop that low. Ignore them, and clear up confusion with people that confront you about it. Don't know what else to say...other than stay away from people that are shady in the future. No offense to Gor--but hardcore RP can house some seedy individuals. Be wary.

Profile wars are ridiculous, the best thing to do is ignore it. It seems to me, when people start ripping apart others in their profiles, that they are looking for attention or are digging themselves a nice drama hole. Dont dive into the hole with them, just let it go until they are down there alone wondering wth they did wrong, even though they know. Just my opinion, take it or leave it, but drama seeking profile wars dont deserve your energy.

I know one case of a guy putting up his ex-girlfriends RL picture (she didnt have in her profile), and her RL first name

And made a remark of how she must have liked it when her father came in and molested her as a kid.

There were multiple complaints about this - no punishment was given but he was first told to remove the picture and the name,

He changed it to "removed her First Life picture and name because the Lindens Made me"

And after further complaints, the comment.

Real slime of the earth type of person.

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SO compared to that some Gorean / SL drama isn't so bad.

I believe disclosure also prohibits chat logs from being displayed.

I thought chat was a free for all because it is out there for everyone to see. Can you point me towards that one please. Thank you

Yeah I did look ...

I am having trouble even finding the community standards anymore =/

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K here it is - last sentence

http://secondlife.com/corporate/cs.php

Disclosure
Residents are entitled to a reasonable level of privacy with regard to their Second Lives. Sharing personal information about a fellow Resident --including gender, religion, age, marital status, race, sexual preference, and real-world location beyond what is provided by the Resident in the First Life page of their Resident profile is a violation of that Resident's privacy. Remotely monitoring conversations, posting conversation logs, or sharing conversation logs without consent are all prohibited in Second Life and on the Second Life Forums.


Keep in mind Dan L wanted to get rid of this *entire* provision as unenforceable.

I have felt rotten all day because I changed my profile to fire back. Please believe that I will be changing it back. I have met some awesome people and the actions of one can't take away from that.

I thank all of you for being honest and sharing your thoughts with me. Now that this has happened to me, I can be more empathetic for another that may have this happen to them. I used to feel like, "Get over it, people . . . it's just a game!" Yes, it is a game but there are real people behind each avatar.

*smile*

ignore her now, and soon enough she'll find someone else to torment. after awhile, she'll get a reputation and maybe yours will be restored, although likely not, at this point.

this is no different than RL and rumors people spread. you just gotta learn to deal with it.

It's pretty hard to guess who said what here, but if either party disclosed any RL information at all, the wisest and only honorable course of action for that person is to apologize to the affected individual, then delete their account(s), and never come back. SL isn't going to be good for them, and they're certainly not good for SL. (Least of all, Gor, but that's a different matter.)

That's not in the ToS or anything. It's just the best outcome, for everybody.

I've been watching this thread since this morning and I have a problem with both the subject and the way it has been presented. First, I will tell you that drama brought into my Second Life is dealt with quickly........mainly in the form of a polite but clear IM about putting my fun in jeopardy by bringing personal garbage to me in the first place. If my views are not honored then I have no problem deleting the "offender" from any friends list and muting them. I'm here to play and have fun, if you can't honor that then I'm not one you need to confide in nor befriend.

Now for my problems. First the "subject". That is allowing a game to get so serious that it consumes you to the point feeling it necessary to cease having fun and start a "war" of sorts.............that I simply cannot understand and cannot accept as an adult reaction. Something you expect from children but certainly not from someone who is presumably 18 years of age or older. Second, the method it has been presented here in this forum. Why would any adult want to air their "dirty laundry" in a public forum? I see it as a way of garnering some sort of sympathy........which I guess the OP has recieved to a degree. Or, it's some effort or attempt to bolster the OP's belief that he/she has, in fact, been wronged (possibly even griefed) by someone else. Neither of these are what I would consider legitimate reasons for posting such childish rubbish on a public forum.

These are my opinions. I doubt I will ever change them. I may sound like a big a$$ for stating them so bluntly. No offense is meant to anyone (especially, the OP) but I think it's time for some to rethink what they are in SL for. If it's for drama, then go for it.........but keep the personal crap out of everyone elses face. If it's for fun then go for that too. But, make up your mind and live with what ever consequences that causes.

Peggy,

First, putting "drama" in the same post as "adult reaction" is sor of an oxymoron, no? *Grins*

Humor aside;
What I got from the OP was an adult desire on the wish to know how to handle it in an adult mannor to make it just stop.

What most adults want when drama starts in their lives, SL or RL, is for it just to stop. Yourself included from your sound of your posting. Drama is drama. It is stupid and it is childish. Profile wars are the epiphany of this. How to deal with this childishness is sometimes not readily apparent.

No one likes to be slandered and called names or have untruths told about them. Some can ignore such, but deep down inside, I'd say it bothers most of us. We take pride in who we are, and our self esteam is build around our id, which can be fragile in some.

Asking simply, how to deal with it is the very adult thing to do (if one doesn't know). When dispositions are given into the history of what happened, I usually assume a bit of self-therapy. Venting, if you will. With the names withheld, and only a generalization of what took place, I still feel this is an adult action.

Unfortunately, if your friends in SL don't know the answer either, the only recourse is to try here. A Linden Support Ticket could have also been tried, but given their past history, would you trust them to help? The forums can be mean and cold at times, and I think a few posts here were fired off when those repling would have been further off to simply go to another thread, but there are those here willing to help.

I'm hoping the OP simply files an Abuse Report on the offending profile, mutes that person, removes their own discourse about the other from their profile, and continues on with their Second Lives.

~Jessy

Music to my ears, Peggy. Music to my ears.

To Emuna,

It's easy when we are hurt to allow ourselves to get dragged into the mud. I'm glad to hear you have since reconsidered and chosen the high road. You'll be glad you did in the long run.

Right, what I thought was if someone disclosed information in IM it was to remain private, but if they disclosed it in chat then it could be given out by the person that it was disclosed to or anyone else that read it. Yep, I am confused here! Been working on numbers all day, need to uncross my eyes and re-rattle my brain. Unfortunately that will probably take until tomorrow. Thank you Sweetie

I also think that it's probably best to ignore it... both in RL and SL.. I have a situation in RL with my ex.. sometimes it's so intolerable that it's actually funny. Lot's of hurtful text messages etc..but I decided to just 'ignore' them and not reply with what I'm actually thinking. So to each nasty text, I simply reply with something like

" thanks for the text, it's always so nice to hear from you" etc. But I do keep all the texts received, and I know that if the two sides were compared, I'm pretty sure as to who would come out better.. So maybe the same principle could also be applied in an SL situation?

By the Bradley, I just LOVE your signature line....I'm a HUGE fan of Mr. Handey (God, that sounds a bit rude when I read it out loud )

Now I see the reason that some are reluctant to ask for help. I simply asked a question. Sympathy? What would that do for me? When people are new to SL, they are going to make mistakes. Hanging out with the wrong people maybe one of them. Just like RL, you learn. If anyone found this thread to not be worth their time, click the next button. Don't post negative responses. I never mentioned names or the situation. Just asked a question.

SL is fun for me, so if I know that another wants to turn it into something else, I have the right to ask other RESIDENTS about their experiences in that area. Whew . . . hope someone isn't a mentor. Newbie may commit suicide.

For all those that gave good advice, that person has been advised about their behaviors and it seems that I was not the first person to have an issue with them. Not sure what all was done but maybe they won't continue to be so hateful.

PEACE