Great Lines to make you Smile

1 .. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't .
2 .. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder .
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe .
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
16.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
17.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
18. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
19.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
20.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
21 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
22 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
23.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Is that a pixel in your pocket or?

I love that one!

I used to have a split personality problem, but we'OK now.

LOL that one jumped off the page to me as well

Old Texas expression:

Those that talk shit ... ain't shit!

One that sorta makes you think:

"A man should live forever, or die trying."
-Spider Robinson

adding to the lord's quips-
1. randomness is the last refuge of stupidity.
2. men are like snowstorms, you never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
3. woman are like lava lamps, fun to look at, but not very bright.
4. most women are against marriage, because it's not worth buying the whole pig to get a little sausage.
5. sometimes I wonder 'why is that frisbee getting bigger?'....and then it hits me.
6. Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak.
7. Some people are like slinkies, they're really good for nothing....but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

and a thought for the weekend - if sometimes you feel a little useless, offended or depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest, fittest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.

Your world your imagination

Regrets, I've had a few...


In fact every time I've had a few, I regret it.

Here's a few-
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
I'm not really a bitch, I just play one in your life.