The Table

On the way to work today I saw a broken table lying in the median. Crushed by traffic sometime earlier its remaining two legs point skyward. Rolling Stones was playing on the radio and I was thinking of Mackenzie Phillips' appearance on the Weakest Link and her frank discussion of her tryst with Mick Jagger. It's refreshing to see a female with that raised-in-the-70s attitude about relationships. It's not the typical female internalization and excuse given for allowing exploitation that I normally see on television. I think about that when I'm in Second Life often. The exaggerated gender-specific clothing and animations seem to reinforce a stereotype that I'm uncomfortable with. Did women in the 70s grow up being called "hun"? As I crest the hill, a table leg lies on the other side of the freeway pointing in the direction of the table from which its been separated.

~Ulrika~

gender shmender. chicks call me hun all the time. i dont mind.

Yeah her life was all roses....drug addiction, alchohol addiction, being fired from a #1 show....the 70's were great for her. She had a great relationship with dad too....he was her drug dealer.

I find that I call everyone "hun," "dear," and "sweetie," both in SL and RL, regardless of sex and/or gender.

I've found that this gets me in trouble, though. Specifically, being male IRL, many RL males are very bothered by this, and tend to respond with either crude jokes or threats. For my own safety, I've learned to censor with men... except male friends, who are still "hun" and "sweetie."

(There was one time when I was spending some time with my then SO.. later my wife, and two friends of ours who were married, and who I used to share a house with. I said, to the other male, as he got up for something, "Hey sweetie?" and three heads immediately turned to me and said, "Yeah?"

Over the years, though, I've met women who are also bothered, for obvious reasons. And I can't blame them. Though with me, it has nothing to do with gender, I realize that, like so many other things in society, there's an underlying gender issue that can't be escaped.

So I've learned to adjust for women, as well, usually. Except when they're friends of mine.

The whole thing makes me sad, though. Pet names for everyone was something about myself that I liked... it was friendly, and kindly, and made me feel like some old Aunt... the ones that call everyone, "hun."

But now, it's usually something I have to apologize for, regardless of who I address.

I apologize for the partial hijack, Ulrika. I appreciate your position, even as mine is nearly exactly the opposite. As someone who feels "out of place" in my own perceived gender, the clear gender lines in SL are something I cherish. I don't want to be "unlabeled" or ambiguous. I want to be all girly, and femmy, and sissy as I can be! But I do realize the problem in that. Inherent in my ability to do that is a constant pressure on everyone to do that as well.

But SL is at least somewhat fortunate in that you have some control over it. More than RL, at least. You can choose not only what you wear, but how you look, and even which gender you are. And you can *change*! I love that! Not that I do it, but I love having the option to change from male to female and back, without making a separate character!

Anyway... I'm rambling, once more. I'll stop now.

It was a stream-of-consciousness story. I didn't really have a point.

I really like all of the replies. They show a great range of emotion and perspective. It's been a nice break from the stress of the election.

~Ulrika~

Sigh, my stream of conciousness dried up.

There is nothing dried up about you, you adorable cherub...

And remember I have seen you in the RL pink flesh cutie...

Ulrika,

Thanks for your observations. I often feel that in SL, so much of the female identity is sexual. For me, that is a more private part of my life. And as a modern feminist, I would hope that young women would find their sexuality just a part of their interesting lives and personalities. And as an SL consumer, I would appreciate some of the talented clothes designers designing some clothing with that in mind. I look for fashions a bit more demure than I find for sale. They would be feminine, not frilly, not business suits, just attractive.

That said, I will live by the live and let live rule.

Thanks,
Helen Flora

I saw Mackenzie do 'The Vagina Monologues' on Broadway...

I also wish that there were more tasteful clothing for ladies. The templates make it hard, though, since everyting is skin tight and the seams never match, making sleeveless and strapless so much easier to create.

And oh, yeah, we need shoes.

Maybe people could start a trend. Either by designing a line of less sexualized, more demure, but attractive clothing... or by commissioning someone to make such outfits.

I'll admit, most of the "unisex" outfits I've ever seen on SL seem to be more in the sort of "sportswear" catagory. Although there is a lot of nice stuff out there that's not too tight or revealing. But I do agree, I think it's in the minority.

I'm sure there are a lot of designers out there, though, who might be interested in this viewpoint.

Wow. This turned into a wonderful thread. I'm glad that there are those out there who have similar feelings as I do.

As an aside, I practically live in Nephilaine Protagonist's clothes, specifically her Carnival outfit. It's simple yet attractive without being overly revealing. It's a solid black outfit with a red corset. Minus the corset, I would wear such an outfit to work.

I'll ask her if she'd be interested in making a line of fashionable clothes for the demur female consumer.

~Ulrika~

Although I tend to be one of those who really *enjoys* revealing/sexy clothing, even I'd be interested in some outfits that were a little more demure. There are often times when I want to go out to somewhere simple like Stage 4 or Welcome, and keep thinking, "Oh no, I can't wear *that* one... or *that* one... don't I own *something* that's not kinda trashy?"

Most of the clothes I make for myself in SL are demure. I thought these would never sell on a grand scale though.

I love Neph's Carnival outfit too. I lost the skirt in some freakish lag incident though. I've been tempted to purchase a new one. I might have to since I only had the joy of wearing that skirt for 10 minutes.

when I feel sexy I wear pink bibs

I made a jeans, checkered shirt and leather jerkin outfit for a campfire story event. Later, several neighbors implored me to sell it to them to wear while gardening or building.

So I put it in a vendor. It sells all the time.

Bub Linden bought one.

I need to do more casual clothing.

And shoes! Shoes please!