Hamlet's Calling Cards - etiquette tips wanted!

I like to pass out my calling card. A lot. If I'm at a group event, I fling out that sucker to everyone there, and often, when I'm flying past folks, and notice they haven't got my card yet, I pop one to them, too. I do this for several reasons:

a) On the card, I include an introduction to myself, an explanation of what I do in the world, for NWN, and my [email]hamlet@secondlife.com[/email] e-mail, and an invitation for people to contact me, with their stories. All this is stuff I want everyone in SL to know about, whether I meet them or not.

b) When I'm in-world, I'm almost always pursuing/ researching a particular story, or another Linden writing assignment, and I don't always have time to stop and talk. (I know, a face-to-face chat only takes a minute or so, and I do like to do that, when I can. But in my experience, one chat leads to the next, and then to the next, and before you know it, an hour has gone by! That's a good thing about SL, of course-- unless you happen to be on deadline, which I often am.)

c) I review every single calling card I get, and stuff that's mentioned there often leads to interviews or story ideas-- so I'm eager to have as many calling cards as possible, for the sake of new people to interview, and future NWN entries to write.

d) Because of a-c I tend to be a better conversationalist in IM. (I sometimes find it difficult to have extended chats, while having to do other stuff in-world.) IM allows you some more time to formulate your thoughts, and a delay to allow for multitasking. And I *love* IMing with folks-- and passing out my card is meant to encourage that. Anyone who has my card is strongly enjoined to IM me, and often. (That's usually how I get invites to stop by and check out the new genius wackiness some residents have dreamed up, too.)

All that said, it's true I don't always have a face-to-face chat with people, when I hand out my card-- it's often a trade-card-keep-flying deal. And someone whose opinion I respect just suggested that this is actually kind of rude-- or at minimum, might be seen as rude to some.

So first off, I want to apologize to anyone who did feel offended or put-off, if they got my card in that manner.
That definitely wasn't my intent!

But *is* it rude? I know there's a cash bonus residents get, for the amount of cards they collect, so I understand how it'd be seen as rude, when people suspect the card is being traded primarily to make money. Obviously I'm not doing it to make Linden dollars.

But does my shotgun approach come off as rude? Share opinions here, and let me figure out a revised etiquette!

Hmm, I consider fly-by calling card offers as a bit rude, and depending on my mood of the moment I sometimes decline them. If you want my card (the exchange goes both ways after all), you could at least stop and say hi instead of flinging your card over 256m distance like I got the plague. Declining the card also depends on a few other factors, like the name of the person. I'm much more likely to refuse a card from "IpwnzJoo Feaver" than from somebody with a Linden lastname for example. And honestly, more likely to refuse a trial users card than the card of a months old resident, at least since the opening of the floodgates :) (yes, I do check peoples profile usually first).

The stipend bonus plays a factor too, I'd probably be more selective on what I accept if it wasn't for the (rather nonsensical) benefit in having a large number of cards.

Somebody offering his card with the intention of raising his income is not a concern, as I benefit from it just as much as he does.

I have no problems with fly-by card droppings. I don't often do it since I know some people do think it's rude, but I like having a lot of cards in my inventory. When I see the messages saying "so-and-so is online" or "so-and-so is offline" I get a good sense of the traffic patterns, at least within the sampling of cards I do have.

The only time getting a card has been a little annoying is when I am typing something. I have accepted many cards without realizing it and half my sentence is not typed since I got interrupted and the focus moved to my inventory window instead of my chat box. When I hand out my calling card I try to wait until they are no longer typing to avoid this issue.

I appreciate a little conversation when you trade cards with me, but its no big deal if it doesnt happen. If I have your card, I am going to hunt you down one of these days and see what your up too.

I like to think having someones card means something other than some bonus. The more cards I have, the better the odds I find someone with a mutual interest, or at least develop a better network for exchange of skills and ideas.

I don't mind fly-by calling card exchanges. I also don't mind the 'rude' behavior of having my fly-by calling card offer declined (if you're that uptight, I don't really want your calling card anyway ).

-code

its all good to me. i will admit though that on several occasions i have found myself spinning in circles and scratching my head. "hmmmm (thinks I) where the heck did that come from???? hullo.... is there someone there?...hullo?"

I'm not really opposed to it either -- as it's quite often someone has exchanged with me or me with them and we've not at first spoken but later, for some reason, I've needed to talk to that person for something and it's been much easier to track them down . I will only decline a calling card if someone has already proven themselves to be a jerk prior to offering one -- this happens pretty rarely. But if I'm offered a card by someone like you, Hamlet, who's work I already know about and who has, of course, that last name of Linden, I'm going to accept it.

To me, silent of exchange of calling cards is sort of like saying hello. Sometimes it's not always easy to speak when exchanging cards -- like in the middle of an event where it would be more rude to interrupt the event by speaking. Or when lag is so bad that IM is difficult to keep up with, etc. What I don't appreciate is anything that remotely resembles begging -- for money, for rates (I ran across one last night doing this), for anything. If you beg from me, I'm probably going to delete your card if I have it or decline it if offered. Period. End of story.

I don't really worry about the monetary aspect of it. We're all in the same boat, so to speak and it benefits both parties so it's not a big deal to me .

Zana

I'm gonna say ditto to Zana's post.

You shotgun carded me, Hamlet, and I thought it was pretty cool A few times I pondered asking you to check something out, since I had your card, but I figured "nah, who am I to disturb the great Hamlet, much less summon him"

Nice to know you like being pestered.

i dont mind fly by trades... i do it myself. and I worry that some people might expect a little smalltalk hehe. but you can't postpone the hunt for idle chit chat. hopefully they understand

Problem is that there's a fairly small character limit in those text fields/boxes -- you don't actually have nearly as much info on your card as you think you do.

Consider this scenario: You offer to trade cards with Susie NewResident as you fly by. Susie has no idea who you are, and doesn't even know how she could pull up your profile to see your info before deciding to accept or decline your cc trade offer (and don't forget, she only has 60 seconds to make up her mind on this).

Personally, I think it's a bit rude. I've never purposely declined a cc trade offer, but I kinda shake my head when one is offered without any prior conversation.

Trying to word this parallel so no one is offended -- it's like romance in a way. Wine me, dine me, talk to me, THEN make your move.

#!

I'm not too fond of fly-by card trading....HOWEVER....I make a mental exception for the Lindens because I know you are just trying to make sure everyone can reach you when needed, and that is MUCH appreciated.

Maggie

Psh... I always accept cards regardless. Mostly because I'm lazy. I think I've only initiated trade with MAYBE two people... ever. I only use them if I need help from someone, or I forget someone's name.

We all (the residents, not necessarily the trial users) make allowances for Lindens -- but should we? Shouldn't the Lindens be held to the same (a higher?) standard than we mere residents?

But a fly by trade cards offer isn't so bad, and it's not against the community standards or anything, so what's the big deal?

We're not discussing community standards here -- we're talking about common courtesy, manners, Ps and Qs.

How many of you really like coming home and finding flyers stuck on your door? Or on the windshield of your car? I don't like it... yes, I do occasionally order from a certain restaurant that does practice this, so the practice isn't at the bottom of my toleration scale, but I still don't like it.

Here's another parallel -- would you go to a job interview and merely toss your resume onto the CEO's desk while running back out the door? Of course not, because that wouldn't make a good impression.

Just a lil more food for thought..

#!

Very interesting thoughts, all, please keep 'em coming.

I'm glad Shebang brought up real world analogues, as
a way to think about this. When I initially started doing
this, I thought of social events where cards are also
handed out like crazy; for example, from my own
perspective, at GDC or E3, when you're at these giant
parties with hundreds of people. Lots of times, people
hand you cards with hardly a hello, because often, it's
not even *possible* to do that. (Too much noise, too
many people, etc. It's actually not unlike times in SL
when you already have several IM threads and a few
f2f chats going, and you can't possibly talk to another
person at the time, tho you *can* still hand them your
card as they fly past.) I don't consider it rude, in those
kind of conditions, and in fact, it's part of the fun when
I'm back home to go through my pile of cards, and look
at who I met. (Sometimes I have slightly incoherent
e-mail conversations with a few, on the order of, "Um,
who are you again, and how did we meet?" And the
thing is, in situations like that, if you're looking to
introduce yourself and meet a lot of people, you sorta
do have to do that shotgun technique. (And I know
several game journalists who do it, real world, for that
very reason; always looking for stories, and sources.
Not me, though, I'm usually too interested in getting
another drink.)

So that's some of my perspective, on the matter-- would
love to keep hearing others. In any case, it's already a
common thing. I myself began doing this after getting
tons of fly-by card exchanges, myself, which led me to
assume it was acceptable behavior. And since it already
happens, should we think about some guidelines for
minimally decent etiquette, for folks who do it?

If someone declines my calling card offer I flood them with offers. Sometimes they accept them all and I get bumped up on the Leader Boards.

That was a little joke, folks.

Hamlet, I understand your perspective now.

One last (I think <g> from me. Bringing back in world, think about what happens when you're merrily typing away and a calling card exchange offer pops up on your screen.

The card's window now has focus, rather than the text input line.

You very often, if you're anything like me, go flying through the air, jumping up and down, knockiing into people....

Back to your perspective -- when someone at E3 hands you their card without even saying hello, what happens? Do you:

a) take it and continue with the conversation you were already in
b) take it and immediately stop the conversation you were already in
c) take it and immediately start bashing into everyone within 10 feet of you

Perhaps a simple <cough> UI change would make this part of the issue moot. If pop-windows didn't automatically take focus, then at least those of us who are a bit clumsy wouldn't have the bash into everyone problem.

#!

I think that group gatherings - so long as people are not trying to answer trivia questions or actively conduct an event - spontaneous card trading is perfectly civil; it's often the only time we run into a lot of avatars and we might just not have a chance to say a proper hello. The way I look at flyby card drops is that if I'm obviously in the middle of doing something like building, or editing trees or the like, I'd much rather take a card than get into a discussion just then. If I'm at the Welcome Area, which is a place for meeting people, I might get a little put off by having a card just dumped on me by someone 150 meters away, but we are still in a position where we wind up meeting everyone eventually.When there are 125,000 avatars tooling around, throwing Kanji and Cyrillic at each other, we are going to have to really look at who we do take cards from lest our inventories get totally out of control.

It doesn't bother me one way or the other. I just file them all into recognizalble groups (there is the passing stranger group for me.)

I usually decline offers unless the offer comes from:

1. A Linden
2. A fellow group member
3. A customer
4. Someone who has taken the time to talk to me for a minute or two (assuming I wasn't busy)

I like to keep my calling card mass as low as possible because of the constant "x is online/x is offline" messages. I already get a ton of them. The extra bonus money doesn't matter to me since I have other revenue streams.

When I turn down a card I usually say "I'm allergic to those things" so the person doesn't feel rejected and start causing a stink. (Some people really get RILED UP if you don't take their cards!)

I'm the one always trading cards with Lindens. I think having a Linden want my card is an honor, even if it is a fly-by.