Why do we do it?

I say we because I *hope* I'm not the only one out there who does this. If I am, it's even sadder yet.

Why do we read threads that we know will upset us? Why are we drawn to certain threads that we know will create controversy? I used to think I was looking just in case there was some rational debate or interesting points brought up. But that's *such* a lie.

I tend to skip a lot of threads that don't interest me. But then I see one that I can just *tell* is either intended to upset people, or that will unintentionally upset people to the point of ranting and raving, and.... it's like a car accident.... or that damned site from www.dooce.com that had you look at people's wounds....

These threads upset me. They bother me. They often make me really, *really* angry, like heart-pounding angry. And I get these visions in my head of putting in some reply, blasting one poster or another. But where would I start? There's so many people in these threads being so mean. And what good would it do? Would they really say, "You're right... I was out of line. Sorry."

No.. the best anyone ever gets is essentially "Well, whatever everyone else is doing is worse than what I'm doing."

So I get these visions of maybe sending a quiet, calm PM to some of these people... to explain that, although it's probably not their intention, they're causing more harm than good, to themselves and others, with what they say. But again, where to start? There's a whole crowd of people doing this! And would such a PM be useful? No. They don't know me from anyone else. I'd just be added to the list of names of people they think are out to hurt them.

There are a lot of these people out there. But I hope... maybe I'm deluding myself... that there's more people who don't want to trash each other, who don't want to fight... and who don't, really deep down, like even reading about it.

If so, I propose we all start being better about it. You see a thread that just *screams* intolerance and conflict.... skip it! You *know* what it's going to say. Just move on.

Soon, maybe such threads will slip down the list faster and faster... just a blip in otherwise interesting, calm, enjoyable conversation.

*sigh*

This post is really self-indulgent, and I apologize.

And normally, here, I'd say "If you think this thread is about you, it's not." But really... anyone who thinks this is about them... consider it to be so. Because if *everyone* just stops to consider what role they play in these forums, and whether they're really causing more damage with their posting than they realize.... well, I think that would be a good thing. Everyone could benefit from that kind of self-examination.

Including... probably especially, me.

--Carolyn
(Self-indulgent Auntie)

P.S. Again. Sorry for the thread. Not sorry enough not to post it, but.... well, I'm a bit of a hypocrite, I guess.

human nature 101

Controversy is an indication of a games condition. It's hard to be interested in something unless there's some sort of game being played. And hard not to be interested when there is.

Very well said Caro!! *hugs*

I think one reason for the drama and mud-slinging is, and I'm guilty of this myself, our dependance or addiction to both proving ourselves right, and to the emotion, whether it be adrenalin-filled anger or excitement, or calm and wry amusement. Emotion reminds us that we are alive.

Of course another reason could be that so many of us are apparently bored.

I love a wee bit of drama on the forums, but not the cruel kind. I prefer the humorous, overblown or cynical kind myself. I don't like it when folks are mean to each other, yet I like a spirited debate. I don't like it when folks focus on one individual, yet I see individuals throw down the gauntlet and practically beg to be treated with scorn or be "put in their place".

I've never yet visited a forum where open discussions didn't have an element of flaming, or emotions didn't run to the boiling point from time to time. But I agree with Auntie Caro, that we can voice our differences and still be, if not kind, at least not overly cruel.

But I hope everyone, even those I've often disagreed with, take the forums for what they are. Just a bunch of folks voicing THEIR opinions. Nothing said here should have much bearing on your real life. You shouldn't take it to heart, although I know it's hard not to at times. If you skin is thin, practice treating others like you wish to be treated, and if it's thick, realize that others might not be so well insulated.

If this is true, then I'm not human. I tune-out/don't read/in one ear, out the other. I've also muted a few posters who seem bent on disagreeing with anyone, even themselves. And if I'm not sure about a thread, I read through the mouse-over before deciding whether or not to enter in the first place.

I come to the forums for useful tips/information, to offer what little help I can, and for a glimpse into the future of SL... a pulse on the world. I'm typically here during my downtime at work after an extremely stressful hour or two. So, I'm not interested in getting into forum debates when I get into them often enough in RL.

Interesting post Carol - one thing you will notice about the posts you mention is......they have very little or nothing to do with the actual game itself.

For example, how many of the people with 1000 posts or more to their name have you actually met/heard of in the game world? Most 'game' forums are actually all about self justification/realisation and have very little to do with the actual game itself,in other words your reading people's ego's

Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure it does much good to be honest but I'm not sure it does any real harm either, at the end of the day you are quite right - just skip the crap and stick to what matters.

On the upside, any forums 'regular posters' are about 1% of the total world population and usually the vocal minority.

Most people read forums for entertainment; and controversy, drama, along with argument make for it in spades within any forum environment.

Lurkers far outweigh posters. Always. And in most cases, those who lurk refrain from posting because they fear the negative replies.

And so it goes...

I read them because I like to see what idiots have to say. Some of these people are hilarious.

Pretty much the same as Devlin, btw am I sick, I went to www.dooce.com to see what was there and found happy smily baby pictures!

yup. same as.

and to see if I can add some comment to help stir the shit up a bit more, obviously.

Yeah, a lot of you seem really good at just enjoying the ridiculousness of some of the more excitable posts. I keep telling myself I just want to read them because it's funny... but they always manage to upset me. I really need to just be smart and not read them.

I posted this thread as a way to blow off steam, I'm afraid... something I hate when other people do. So I'm sorry. But I think maybe it was a good thing. People had interesting things to say. And I think you're right... there's a lot of people lurking in the background who read without having to argue. I'm usually one of them. But keeping my mouth shut was never my strong suit.

*giggle* Oh, and Willow... yeah, you have to go to the right place. www.dooce.com is a blog from a really funny woman in Utah, and a lot of it involves her young daughter. She's freakin' hilarious, though, so I still recommend the site.

What I was refering to was a link she posted awhile back on her blog saying something about "I dare you to go to this site and not keep clicking, and calling your husband into the room to say 'Look at this!'"

I *believe* the actual site was www.showmeyourwound.com.

WARNING: The above site is just nasty and wrong, and full of graphic pictures of injuries, and really should not be viewed by anyone, especially me. I made reference to it as something that's really disturbing, but still compelling (until it made me nauseated, at least). And I'm only clarifying now for the benefit of those sick twisted folk like Willow who still want to go look.

--Carolyn
(Sick, twisted Auntie)

Ok...


I really rather prefer the funny woman from Utah *vomits*

I warned you!!

*giggle*hugs* I know how you feel Carolyn, I get the same thing a lot of the time. I dunno, I guess I can't help myself, it's like driving by a traffic accident and not looking at it or something... impossible.

Then someone blurts out something that so totally contradicts one's own view of what's right (or wrong, or ethical, or sensible), that you can't help your emotions getting stirred up. I usually have to pause for a minute before my better sense kicks back in and I think, "Naaah, they're not worth it."

Why do people slow down to look at car accidents? And why the hell do you get upset over what people post in the forums? Are you trying to tell me you actually get red faced mad? That's crazy, you should get out more or something, I'm sure there are better things to be pissed about

You're right... and I don't know why I do. I mean, I tell myself it's crap. People say all sorts of dumb things on the internet that they wouldn't say to people in real life. It's all just garbage. But I manage to get caught up in it, and get so mad at watching everyone be so cruel and pig-headed to each other.

But you're right, I should really go find something better to do. I've known that for awhile, and need to start actually doing it.

--Carolyn
(Auntie with too much time on her hands)