Understanding Engineers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have A word with him."

"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're Rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Why are Engineers so insightful...geesh and only if the world listened we would all be happy...

Pessimists see a glass as half empty

Optimists see a glass as half full

Engineers see a poorly designed glass

I see we need more beer

--Jack Lambert

That could be optimised to hold more beer...hehe

With an improved delivery mechanism.

Shaped like a nipple.

with a soft Grip yet stabilised viscosity flow

Can't you lot engineer the beer instead of the bloody glass.

I want CHEAP BEER

--Jack Lambert

with an additional opening that would allow the glass to be filled in the optimal volumes per liter per second but would decrease spillage and siphon off foam at regular intervals while loading.

I think the point somehow got missed

--Jack Lambert

That's what usually happens when you hand something off to the engineers - we get so lost in all the cool design poetntial that we frequently forget it's original purpose.

Marketing tells me that all the time.

Pabst is not cheap beer - it's monkey pee.

Also known as BEER BONG...lol

*Smiles wistfully remembering the funnel daze of yore*

Wait a minute...Monkey PEE...isnt that giving it credit ????

The MIT Engineer's Drinking Song

(I'm not responsible for the wording. Other verisions available from Australian Engineers, and MTU Pep Band)
Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did ride
To show the royal villagers her fine and pure white hide
The most observant man of all, an engineer of course,
Was the only one who noticed that Godiva rode a horse

Chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers
We can, we can, we can, we can, demolish forty beers
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum all day, and come along with us
'Cause we don't give a damn for any other men who don't give a damn for us!

Alternate Women's Chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we are the Women Engineers
We can, we can, we can, we can, demolish forty beers
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum all day, and come along with us
'Cause we don't give a damn for any other man who can't get it up for us!

She said, "I've come a long, long way, and I will go as far
With the man who takes me from this horse and leads me to a bar"
The man who took her from her steed and lead her to a beer
Was a bleary-eyed surveyor and a drunken engineer

(chorus)

Godiva was a lady well-endowed there is no doubt
She never wore a stitch of clothes, just wound her hair about
The first man who did make her was a Engineer, of course,
But on just one beer an artsie queer had made Godiva's horse

(chorus)

Ace towing roams the Cambridge streets each day and every night
Towing cars and stowing cars to hide them out of sight
They tried to tow Godiva's horse; the Engineers said, "Hey!"
Then towed away their towing truck, and now the Ace must pay!

(chorus)

Rapunzel let her hair down for two suitors down below,
So one of them could grab a hold and give the old heave-ho
The prince began to climb at once, but soon came out the worst,
For the Engineer rode up a lift, and reached Rapunzel first

(chorus)

Caesar set out for Egypt at the age of fifty-three
But Cleopatra's blood was warm, her heart was young and free
And every night when Julius said good-night at eight o'clock
A Roman Engineer was waiting just around the block!

(chorus)

Sir Francis Drake and all his ships set out for Calais Bay
They'd heard the Spanish rum fleet was headed out that way
But the Engineers had beat them, by a night and half a day,
And though as drunk as ptarmigans, you could still hear them say:

(chorus)

The Army and the Navy went out to have some fun
They went down to the taverns where the fiery liquors run
But all they found were empties for the Engineers had come
And traded all their instruments for gallon kegs of rum

(chorus)

An artsman and an Engineer once found a gallon can
Said the artsman, "Match me drink for drink, let's see if you're a man."
They drank three drinks, the artsman fell, his face was turning green
But the Engineer drank on and said, "It's only gasoline!"

(chorus)

An Engineer once stumbled through the halls of Building 10
That night he'd drunken rum enough to drown a dozen men
In fact, the only things there were that kept him on his course
Were the boundary conditions and the Coriolis force

(chorus)

An MIT computer man got drunk one fateful night
He opened up the console and smashed everything in sight
When they finally subdued him, the judge he stood before,
Said, "Lock him up for twenty years, he's rotten to the core!"

(chorus)

Venus was a statue made entirely of stone
Without a stitch upon her she was naked as a bone
On seeing that she had no clothes, and Engineer discoursed
"Why, the damn thing's only concrete, and should've be reinforced!"

(chorus)

A maiden and an Engineer were sitting in the park
The Engineer was working on some research after dark
His scientific method was a marvel to observe
While his right hand held the figures, his left hand traced the curves

(chorus)

Princeton's run by Wellesley, and Wellesley's run by Yale
And Yale is run by Vassar, and Vassar's run by tail
Harvard's run by stiff pricks, the kind you raise by hand
But M.I.T. is run by Engineers, the finest in the land

(chorus)

MIT was MIT when Harvard was a pup
And MIT will be MIT when Harvard's time is up
And any Harvard Son of a Bitch who thinks he's in our class
Can pucker up his rosy lips and kiss the beaver's ass

(chorus)

An MIT surveyor once found the gates of Hell
He looked the devil in the eye, and said "You're looking well"
The devil looked right back at him, and said "Why visit me -
You've been through Hell already; you went to MIT!"

(chorus)

That engineer from MIT, he tried to enter heaven
Saint Peter told the engineer, "Get back to building 7!"
The engineer said he was damned if he was going home,
So he climbed atop the roof, and dropped through heaven's dome...

(chorus)

A friend in ol' New Haven called me up the other day.
He said he was depressed because he hadn't got an A.
I said to him, ``You idiot! Why did you go to Yale?
If you had come to MIT you'd still be on Pass/Fail!''

(chorus)

My father peddles opium, my mother's on the dole
My sister used to walk the streets but now she's on parole
My brother runs a restaurant with bedrooms in the rear
But they don't even speak to me, 'cause I'm an Engineer

(chorus)

And should there be a Harvard man a-strolling our Great Court
We'll fetch a pail of river gunk and make him drink a quart
The water of the River Charles can fix his every flaw
And the Engineers all drink it 'cause it makes us what we are

(chorus)

The firehose by day and forty beers by night,
An engineer may never sleep and still be just as bright.
And should you ever ask him how he keeps up his routine,
he'll raise his trusty can of JOLT, smile and say "caffeine"

(chorus)

Late one night, an engineer was lost in work and toil,
He set off to find a darling girl to help discharge his coil.
In no time at all he'd warmed her up, her resistance at a low...
They fluxed until the morning's light, when their fuses, they did blow.

(chorus)

My parents went to MIT and so did their's before
And this is what they told me when they left me at the door
You'll never be the same again, that much we now can tell
'Cause when you're done with MIT you'll know you've been through hell

(chorus)

We'd like to welcome all the parents here to MIT
But there are lots and lots of things we don't want you to see
like sex & drugs & rock & roll, and kegs and kegs (overflowing kegs) of beer
But we would never touch the stuff cause we're the engineers

(chorus)

At finals time some undergrads went to the thirsty ear
each approached the bar in turn and ordered forty beers
The drinking washed away the test, the answers surely wrong
as the engineers regained their strength they sang their fav'rite song

(chorus)

We heard the 041 professor's ending his career
We thought we'd help him celebrate and bring a keg of beer
but when we thought that we would have to share it with you all
We thought about it once again and drank it in the hall

(chorus)

We saved our dough for years to send the kid to MIT
Although we knew it was a place of wild depravity
But now we know our kid is safe and we should have no fear
He's never even heard of Sex cause he's an engineer

(chorus)

Through .111, Unified, Course 6 and Course 16
Problem sets that kicked our butts, Professors who were mean
You'd think with all this pain and grief, we'd race right out the door
But we've all completely lost our minds, we're coming back for more

(chorus)

Professors put demands on us, they say we have to tool
but all we want to do is sleep, WE HATE THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!
You can bitch or tell us off, abuse us if you please,
but we're all set to graduate and ALL WE NEED ARE C'S!!!

(chorus)


http://www.geocities.com/natalija23/beer_anthem.html

*wipes blood from eyes*

SNiff!!

Bwah hah hah ha!
Both my dad and brother are engineers, and I've inherited much of the same logic and tact. So true!