Offical Joke Thread

Post 'em and fall down laughing...


A minister was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off from church. He told the assistant minister he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so that no one would know him.)

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to Jesus, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus said, "No, I won't." The minister teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angel looked at Jesus and said, "Why did you do that?" Jesus smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

OK, running on the religious theme <g>


One day a drunk man was staggering home when he got lost in the woods.... he came to a clearing where there was a minister baptising people in a lake... he stumbled ahead and bumped into the minister.

The drunk man asked what the minister was doing, and he explained. "Do you want to find God?", the minister asked.

The drunk guy said "sure!" and the minister dunked his head into the water....

"Did you find God?" asked the minister.
"No..." replied the drunk man.

So the minister dunked his head in a second time... asked the man again if he had found God yet, the man again replied "No".

This time the minister dunked the mans head under and held him there until the drunk man was flailing his arms... he pulled the mans head out...

"Now have you found God?"

"No," said the drunk man

"are you sure this is where he fell in?!"

More sunday jokes - Pagan humor anyone?

-What's the best thing about Pagan friends?
They worship the ground you walk on.

-What do you call a covern of unattached Wiccans?
Craft singles! (Ducking)

-What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
About $500 a weekend.

Ok I got another Christan Golf joke for ya:

So this fellow is out golfing when a bright light appears next to him and jesus and somone toating their clubs steps out of the light and up to the man who is about to tee off.

The man looks at Jeasus stuned as he speaks "Excuse me sir, might we play though?". The man falls all over himself getting out of the way praising him.

So Jeasus steps up, places his ball... gages the wind, takes a few practice strokes, blesses the ball, glancess at his friend and tee's off. The ball sails out and lands at the edge of the green and continues to roll stoping about 3 inches from the hole. The man watching the two of them cheers and Jeasus looks pleased with himself.

The fellow carring the clubs sets them down, places a ball and without any such cerimony tee's off. The ball hooks up and right, and lands in a tree. A nearby squirl picks up the ball and begins running back twards the tee. A passing hawk swoops down and snatches up the squirl and as it passes over the hole a lightning strike startles the hawk who drops the squirl, who in its paniced flight to the ground drops the ball which falls... Hole in one.

Jeasus turns to his parner and says "Nice shot Dad...."

It takes two to lie....


one to lie and one to listen

OK heres one click below

Radio call gone wrong

ROFLOL!! Literally burst out laughing!!


"...and now, now I don't...."


Can you imagine!!

Good one Shucks - tell everyone to listen to this!

....Still laughing....

Yeah merwan when i first heard this i died laughing. So whos the guilty one here? LOL

I still die laughing when i listen to this. HAHAHA

This is my favourite joke recently, I think I read it on a Fark thread:

So on this farm there's this horse and this pony, and everyday they race, and everyday the horse beats the pony. One day the pony says "hey man, you always beat me, how about giving me a head start" the horse thinks about this and says "ok, I'll let you get to that fence post over there before I start running", so he does, then the horse takes off and still beats the pony by a wide margin. The farm dog who was watching all this says to the horse "hey, that wasn't very nice, why didn't you let the pony win?" and the horse replies "HOLY CRAP!!! A talking dog!!!"

And back to the religious theme we go...totally stolen of course.

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was not a God.
He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Huge 250-pound rugby player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.

The rugby player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.

The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"

The rugby player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"

I have a few I don't dare say in public. If you want to hear them, send me an IM

EDIT: OMG, that prank made me feel kinda guilty... until the end... OMG!!

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

What's better than a drip dry vampire?

A wash and werewolf!



How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Hold his nose!

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?


fo' drizzle

Radio call gone wrong

heard this one before!!!....lol

I got the following from Pepplar Sklar:


Two fonts walk into a bar...
the bartender says to them - we don't allow your type in here!

. . . the bartender says - don't you think you're a little bold to be showin your face in here?

Sorry, late at night. Just popped in my head

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

Two atoms are walking down the street and one of them says "I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

Two strings walk in to a bar, the first one says "I'll have a beer", the second one says "I'll have a rye and cokeAAAAAYYYDSFSD*(*(*##$))_____SDFSDBBDFSDFZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ", vomits and dies. The first one says "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not NULL terminated.

Ahahahaha.

What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?


THe banana split!


Why don't owls sing when it's raining?

Cause it's too wet to woo!