Gambling our way to an edjumacation

Most states and cities struggle with the question of whether or not to legalize gambling, that is of course unless the state is playing the pit boss. Out of the 52 states in the union 33 now have lotteries all of which tout the same line: "Proceeds going to education." Yet, like all brick pathways of good intentions the end of the golden road is a smoke screen and pit of embers. Yet, this being the decade of "doing it for the kids," the commoners bite like a catfish on cheese toast (yes that does work)

Spending a few moments scanning the states with the fairest of intentions and the best marketing money can buy, I found that the actual school spending does not increase with the extra revenue created by the lottery. Much like the red-light and speeding scammeras where they may as well just say "Speeding your way to a better education" or "Run a red for reading," the actual profits go everywhere except for education. After the money is dispersed to trailer park denizens who will likely use their winnings to buy the new circular magic fingers bed just like the one at the Garden of Lust motel they stayed at on their honeymoon and a neon robed, anatomically correct, full sized wax replica of the Garth Brooks, obese administrative departments and other government laundry machines the lotteries only make up on average around 1 percent of the total education funding.

I am accustomed to being lied to by the gov-co fat cats. In fact if they didn't spread fallacy like manure in a veggie garden, my life would be pretty boring. So now onto my issue (though I seem to have as many as National Geographic): Why should the state gov-co be allowed to run gambling operations when the average citizen cannot, by law, run the same sort of business. Who decided that what is good for the goose should only benefit the goose and screw the gander?

It is illegal to have or hold any machines or businesses in NC which involve games of chance including lotteries, scratch and wins, number games, poker simulators, card houses ect where the winnings include cash or prizes valued above 10 dollars. Of course the local raffle for the whole hog smoker at the Hollarville VFD, or the chance to win a 19" Mangavoix TV at the 3rd Church of the Holier Than Thou after purchasing a five dollar raffle book all proceeds going to baptize sheep herders in Sumatra have always been given the wink and nod from gov-co. But to hear the good ole' boy gov-co's take on gambling for the commoner personal monogramed nickle plated money clip versus gambling for the government iron clad coffers it seems they are looking through some pretty muddy goggles on this issue:



That is of course unless we are talking about the state run lottery bill which just passed through the house and is on an easy ride through the senate as we speak. This form of gambling (which has much lower odds of winning than even the worst slot machine on the fringe of Reno) is praised as being the ticket to Gambling Your Way to a Higher GPA:



So what have we learned here today: Organized gambling is not a sin or crime so long as it is owned and operated by gov-co, If you say it is for the children then whatever you are doing is A-Okay and finally, If anyone is going to exploit the poor in this damned country it will be the government and not some two-bit Kodiak dipping gas station owner with a 5 card draw machine in his store front right smack next to the velvet painting of Jesus, John Wayne and Elvis walking hand in hand across the desert.

Besides that did anyone else hear that the Cookie Monster will now be the Veggie Monster? What a sad, sad day for humanity.

Wow, I knew no one would give a used lotto ticket about gov-co gambling rights but surely someone has to be pissed about the Cookie Monster being altered to the Veggie Monster...I mean come on

Pissed? I'm delighted! He can have boiled cabbage, and drive okra to extinction for all I care. I get reduced competition for the Chips Ahoy.

Chips Ahoy....mmm... *excuses self briefly*

OK. Better now

As to the rest of your thoughts...let me present a quick credential: I've done time in a Southern U.S. trailer park. I finally got out, and have no plans to return.

Some of the folks I've met have bought into the blue-collar version of Positive Thinking. (Or Word of Faith, or whatever you want to call it.) They WILL win the Big One. It's only a matter of time. They believe; they will receive. They name it; they claim it.

It's their retirement plan. Government-sponsored retirement plan.

Favorite party pastime: they get all misty-eyed sitting around the living room and describing in great detail (often with breaking voices) how they're going to benefit all their friends and relatives when the Powerball finally drops their way. They've spent hours polishing these fantasies, down to each and every magnanimous thing they're going to say on Payoff Day. They're going to build churches. They're going to give every family on the lot $10,000. They're going to retire the double mortgage on Mamma's house. And they've already picked out the color scheme for the Lexus. It's just a matter of time.

And every fantasy, once tenderly presented (or repeated), is met with a moment of that peculiar reverent silence which I think was once reserved for knight's vows and other moral proclamations.

Their certainty, combined with the purity of their intentions, leaves them free to invest heavily in the Goverment's new retirement program at their local Wag-a-Bag, after they've taken care of the bare essentials...a little formula for the kids, some cigarettes for the Old Lady, and of course a 12-pack of Pabst and some chops for the Saturday afternoon throwdown. Everything else goes to ticket sheets and quick-picks.

No home improvement. No savings. Overtime checks, especially when the Powerball's been building for awhile and general fever has set into the city, are often cashed and invested on the way home.

I've met these people. I lived among them. And I'm not exaggerating.

So, I'm of two minds. When I see who's paying the money, I have precious few qualms: it's a Foolishness Tax, plain, simple, and efficient, and as far as I'm concerned, the more you can get out of fools, the more you can leave me alone.

But when I see who's running the game, I realize that only a thoroughly corrupt and morally blind government could do such a thing to its own citizens, and set such an example for their children, in the name of "progress."

Just my $0.02.

-- jj