Why, why, why? Musing of a nerd.

Why am I always the one who walks onto an airplane then catches her high heel shoe on a rogue piece of carpet only to roll ass over tea kettle down the center aisle?

Or who gets the leg of her pants stuck in the escalator?

who goes to the rest room and then catches her underware in the zipper of her pants and breaks it?

who drags her sleeve through the boss’s birthday cake?

who manages to sit on the only fu*ken fire ant hill within 50 miles?

who spills gasoline all over her clothes on the way into work?

drips coffee down the front of her shirt?

hiccups during a job interview?

who’s stomach growls loud enough for the team leader to initiate a break for food during a customer meeting?

who reaches into her purse to get a pen for a customer to sign a specification and pulls out a tampon?

who gets bumped and falls into the pool, sober and fully clothed, at the boss’s Christmas party?

who takes one step backward only to find that it's directly into a waiter carrying a full tray of food

who while walking with co-workers, falls flat on her face because her shoe gets stuck between two cobble stones in the crowded French Quarter of New Orleans and is saved the pain of breaking her nose only to live with the humiliation of having broken the fall with her boobs?


What the fu*k is wrong with me?

You’d think that at 50 I’d have acquired a little grace.

But I haven’t.

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Ahh.. but the world needs comedic relief far more than it needs grace. Moments such as those, while embarressing at the time, bring a smile or chuckle years later.

*hugs rose* Dont think of it as not having grace but as... having a high pain threshold .

True grace has nothing to do with movement and everything to do with who you are inside your skin.

But heels... heels were invented by a man, and a particularly vindictive man at that, I'm quite certain.

Perhaps if you want this sort of thing to happen less you should consider taking up something that promotes awareness of movement like tai chi. I'm very clumsy but I take kung fu and the more I practice the less I bump into things.

I realize your post is intended to be humorous, but if you really want to know why, I can tell you. It's most likely because you refer to yourself as "the one who always..."

Your brain will only allow you to become whatever it is it thinks you are. In psychology, it's called self-fulfilling prophesy. Here's how it works:

You trip over the airplane carpet once, so you form the beginnings of a self-image as one who trips over carpet. The next time you're in a similar situation, your brain looks up the information about what to do, finds the image of you as a tripper, and then works to reproduce the result. Thus, your hypothesis that you are one who trips is now confirmed, and from this point on your brain will do its best to make sure it stays that way. You see, once you've defined yourself (or anything else) as being a certain way, the brain becomes comfortable with that definition and will go to almost any length to maintain it.

Now, when you ask questions like "Why am I always the one?" and "What's wrong with me?" you compund the problem. Whenever you ask yourself a question, your brain goes to work to formulate the answer, and will do so continuously, whether you are awarwe of it or not, until the answer is determined. For example, ever try to think of the name of a movie star or a TV show or something and you just can't remember it, and then 2 days later you're not thinking about it at all, but it just comes to you? That happens because your brain has been working behind the scenes the entire time to look up the answer.

So when you ask yourself questions like "What's wrong with me?" your brain goes and digs up all kinds of garbage to answer the question. You can make anything look bad if you try, whether it actually is or not, and when your brain goes to work to answer those kinds of questions, it has no problem finding plenty of evidence to prove that you really are that bad. The truth though is that you really are not bad; you're just a victim of self-slander, and you're much better off just not going there.

I'd bet any amount of money that were you to start asking the opposite questions, like "What can I do to make sure I'm not the one who trips over the carpet?" and "What's good about me?", you'd quickly find yourself no longer having these problems. I've seen this happen for people time and time again. It's just how the brain works. It takes a conscious effort at first, but sooner or later your thought process adapts into the habit of finding positive images instead of negative ones and from that point on everything naturally falls into place. Try it for a few weeks; you'll be amazed.

Anyway, as I said earlier, I realize you were most likely just kidding around here, but since you asked, there's your answer.

David, I really like that!

I have been giving some serious consideration to this but I am so clumsy that I fear accidentally wacking someone with an ill aimed kick or chop.

I've sort of resigned myself to being the provider of endless comic relief to my co-workers, friends and family. Once the class clown, always the class clown. Nevertheless, it gets down right embarrassing to me at times and at the very least, dangerous.

One thing I should do... Quit wearing high heeled shoes.

***/ stumbles from thread....

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Interesting observation and not untrue. Particularly about not being able to recall something at the moment and then remembering it 2 days later, it happens all the time. I also went through life with my family calling me "Grace" as a nick name simply because I was the antithesis of it.

Funny thing is - when I am around animals, cats, dogs, birds, horses etc. I don't ever have this problem. I can walk very quietly and my motions are not abrupt. So you have a good point. Maybe I should pretend that the plane is filled with cats & dogs and I'll be OK. Sort of like pretending to see an audiance in their underware when giving a speech.



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There ya go. Now you're thinking constructively. Keep it up, and let me know how you make out.

on the bright side if you've done all that and you're still alive maybe you're a superhero(ine).

Maybe you haven't acquired grace, but you've acquired something I feel is far more valuable: character.

That will only encourage the other students to dodge more quickly and anticipate random disaster. See, you'll be a valuable addition to the kung fu class.

Two thoughts.

1. Roses have thorns... apparently yours are oversized.

2. Even a prize winning rose could have been grown if watered with uric acid... So, is it possible that the world is just pissing all over you for no reason?

just a thought...

Don't worry, Rose- I do stuff like that all the time. (Then again, maybe that's reason to worry right there)

My personal goof list includes...

*walking into plate glass windows (at least they didn't break)

*bumping into things, backing into things, tripping over things, crude full body prattfalls, usually in front of others


*fainting at a coworkers party at an open bar (ironically, I had nothing to drink, but no one believes me)

*dumping a full cup of coffee in my lap when turning to shake hands with a new supervisor

*splashing scalding water on my arm because I couldn't figure out how to work my roommate's rogue teakettle

*at a public library, noticing something dragging from my ankle- a black lace underpants had apparently been hiding in my jeans had slipped into view. What to do? keep dragging them around? Or snatch them and walk around the library with a pair of black panties? (This would make a good comercial for why anti-static dryer sheets are a must)

*getting bonked on the head with the trunk of my car. Repeatedly.

*attempting to hang up flypaper and getting it stuck to everything -the wall, my clothes, my hair, etc.. except for flies.



The good news is these make entertaining stories once the humuliation wears off.

Thanks Olympia - OMG the public library incident, laughing with you, but nevertheless, laughing. What did you do?

Rest assured I will be checking the leg of all my pants from here on out.

And I can relate on no one believing that your sober - no one believed I was either, I think even hubby was in doubt.

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thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you... oh ya and thank you )). lol because statistically you've saved everyone of us from one incident or another. I promise never to laugh should i catch such an unfortunate moment.

ahhhhhhh, Rose........I think I've found a kindred spirit in you!!!!

My body is a chronology of my days, each bruise or abrasion the result of some physical mishap or miscalculation on my part.

When I'm busy in the ER, I am truly bad about turning corners in a hurry and miscalculating where the wall will be and running right into it. Good thing I dont' drive race cars or I'd hit the wall on every curve in my exuberance to get there quickly.

Right now, I have a wound about two inches long on my right arm, three cuts on my fingers in various stages of healing, a knot on my forehead from where a piece of metal hit me, and a mysterious green bruise on my hip that I have no recollection of getting.

You are not alone, Rose. You are not alone.

It happened several years ago. I think I snuck to an unpopulated row and hasitily stuck 'em in my purse.

BTW, this morning, in the kitchen at work, I chose to thoughtfully crush an empty half 'n' half carton before throwing it away. This sprayed drops of half 'n' half all over

*the floor
*the counter
*the coffee machine
*me