Goodbye

I am getting to the point where I realize socially inclined people don't belong in SL at all.I've beem playing since june of last year,and i don't have a friend or anyone in my SL to show for it. I try to meet people,there just either really shallow or out to play mind games of some sort,or just maybe i have very poor social skills.

The fact is,i thought it would be fun,i thought i'd have alot of friends now,but i have to pull teeth just to get the ones on my list to talk to me.I've gotten into alot of arguments,fights with people i know,my mute list is full,and god knows how many cards i've cancelled.

Its just not worth it anymore,i think its mainly me,and my uber ADD social skills (sacrcasm)

I am just frustrated how everyone else is having fun and i'm not.Thanks,just had to rant

buy a hunk avatar and go to clubs

better yet: buy a hot chick avatar and go to clubs

I think there's your problem...

That does sound frustrating, but if I may ask, where have you been hanging out that you ran into so many people you felt it necessary to mute?

I find you make friends in SL best by exploring solo and sharing coincidental fun with people you meet along the way... not by trying to force the issue.

Also, remember, a lot of people in SL do more than just socialize, like building, scripting, Live Helping, external web sites. If you're IMing the 3 or 4 remaining people on your calling card list, they may be right sick of you from the constant barrage!

In RL, the best man in my upcoming wedding is a great guy. If I had to see / hang out / talk on the phone with him every day, however, I'd lose my mind! Not just from having to talk to him every day, but from the bullet who would inevitable put in my head!

Just my two cents. I hope these suggestions help out!

Regards,

-Tim

Bosmer Bard, I don't think we have met and there is no one in SL that I have met that is not a friend. (maybe one or two misunderstandings that had nothing to do with me personally but only by association, lol). I hang out usually every night at WetSpot club with anyone that happens to drop in which here lately has been a few newbies. Please drop in sometime and hang out with anyone there. WE are a laid back fun loving crew that just jokes around and thinks up new things to make or create. And to anyone out there who feels the same as Bosmer, please drop in as well. Chaser Raine and Rocky Erato are both officers of the land as well and they can show you around if I haven't made it home from work yet. I met them both as newbies and they are both still very good friends of mine and Jon's. I meet alot of new people here and most still contact me for all kinds of information and conversation.

I am sure there are many other people out there that do the same, so please give SL another try. Try to think positively, it sure helps on most days.

OH, I also am referring to newbies in a good way, since some folkes tend to think the word newbie means you are of less value, when I believe the opposite. Newbies are fresh with ideas and haven't had the time to get burdened with the few unhappy people in our SL world.

I would suggest becoming an instructor. You make $$, provide a valuable service, and meet lots of great new people.

Or for $500L you can rent me, I make a great friend.

You're charging me double! Some friend you turned out to be.

I thought I saw sheep roamin the yard the other day.....

Now does the rent-a-friend program work like a pyramid? Where if you hire someone as your friend you are also buying into THEIR friends.

So I could charge Ingrid 500 to be her friend.

Ingrid could make a profit being bosmer's friend for $1000 BUT bosmer would ALSO get ME as a friend.

bosmer could then go on charge others $1500 for himself, me, and Ingrid's services.

Everybody makes money! (except the guy on the bottom of the pyramid)

No...eventually the guy at the top of the pyramid ( who is everyones friend ) says hey lets move to Guyana and start a church....then they drink grape koolaid and die.

Damn it, you exposed my plan!

shhh you can always say hey....lets move to mexico......that would throw them off and no one would ever guess your plan but me...and whoever reads this thread.....and george

george is a commie

THAT WAS YOU!?






see what I did there?

I don't even know what to say to the OP. I don't think many others do, either, given the content of the replies.

I'm not sure SL can be a friend machine any more than reality can. I've made many friends in SL since I joined, not because I was trying to make friends, but because I was just leading my Second Life. Building, enlisting contractors, bumping into people in the welcome area, trading rates with people whose work impressed me... These all gave me windows into really cool individuals. It's been a lot of fun, but I would never have met these cool people unless I was doing my own thing.

The skill is in wearing as few clothes as possible whilst still remaining clothed.

"Hot" being subjective has to be interpreted as what the club clientele consider to be hot. This varies (slightly) from club to club.

Ok serious answer.

1. Get involved in public activities that you are interested in. This means participating in events, and eventually hosting events. Don't force fit yourself into something you don't actually like cause you won't have as much in common with the other people attending.

2. Be nice. Be polite. Try to be enthusiastic. Positive energy is contagious.

3. Remember things about the people you meet. If your memory sucks, use the profile note feature. When you bump into a person a second time, it's great to be able to reference your past conversation ("Hey how did that job interview go?".

4. Don't be shy. I have no problem going to someone I don't know and saying "Hi there". It's sometimes nice to open a conversation with a complement ("that's a great AV!" but be sincere! If you don't actually see something worthy of complement then don't lie ("that's a great...uh.... hrmmmm HI THERE!".

5. Stay aware of context so you don't interject yourself at a bad time. If people are in an event, a furious debate, or private sexball session...you should wait for a better time to chat.

6. Try to get a feel for someone's need for breathing room. If they are enthusiastic about chatting with you, then you should feel free to hang out. If they are silent a lot, then move on and wait for them to pay you a visit.

7. Be willing to exert a little extra effort for people you click with. My friends and I think nothing of building/designing/scripting something exclusively for each other.

8. REMEMBER you can't be friends with everybody. Aimee made the mistake of going to a party this friday and she got orbited and banned from the land because of her wings *cry*. You don't worry about those types of people, just focus on the nice ones.

Your milage may vary but the the most genuinely popular people I have met in SL seem to do all these things.

bosmer, after you've read the helpful suggestions provided in this thread... how do you feel now, after some time? Do you still want to exit SL or do you think taking a break and coming back at your own pace would be better?

SL is a community about connections. Sometimes you have to pan for gold and dig for diamonds, but when you've found those gems after the hard struggles, it makes the adventure all worth it.

Please share your thoughts + feelings. Whatever you choose, I just hope it's the right choice for you.

Incoherent nonsense must be a at a premium today.

huh?!?!?! wing haters on the loose again...?

LOL Laggy wings! My wings have alot of scriting going on. I think this person would have been completely in the right to ask me to remove my wings (I keep a pair of unscripted ones in inventory for this very reason). But this club owner decided to orbit me and ban me without warning.

Meh. It's just a difference in culture I guess.

Can I have your land and L$?

Friends are friends, but business is business

BTW you all owe me $250L each for last month.

The check is in the mail. Really! Would I lie about something like that? Maybe I addressed it wrong or sumptin. Or forgot to put a stamp on it. I mean it's in my out box. I mean I was going to send a check but then had to get my poodle shaved. Oh damn, can I just get it to you next month instead?

And to the the original poster, SL dialog is wildly different from RL dialog (much like any other YM/AIM/IRC) in that conversation is staccato, somewhat disjoint, and favors the quick quip over the considered paragraph. I found it took a lot of getting used to (not being an IM person previously). Unless you can hit the right pace, SL may not serve your socialization needs.