Ladies....a question for you...

I'm hoping some ladies out there will be able to ease my fears a bit.....

I'm supposed to go and get a mammogram tomorrow, and I'm scared that it is going to be terribly painful. Never had one before, am I just being silly?

I guess I just really don't know what to expect.......

No need to fear my dear!! Just slightly more painfull during the wrong time of the month. Altho...the thought of having your boobies squashed flat as a pancake can produce nightmares.....mmmmuuuuuuhhhaaahhhhhhaaaa....

Ouch!! Flat as a pancake...they're too big to be that flat!

But for real...ty Sulumor for your response! I feel a bit better.....but I'm really wishing it wasn't the "wrong time" now!

Pain isn't what you need to worry about. They keep the mammogram machines in the freezer, THATS the problem.

OMG...please tell me you're kidding Devlin!!!

Well, maybe a little.

It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Oh...MAMMOGRAM!!!!

Sorry, I thought you said something else..

=)
Crow

It is a terribly unconfortable experience, humiliating to have a tiny paper smock on and it is somewhat painful.

BUT a very necessary thing to do with great regularity.

Well WE need to get prostate exams. Quick story:

The guy examining me had a very, very obvious combover. So I said something about his hair.

Moral of the story: never insult a person with your balls in one hand and some very large tools in the other.

I don't find them all that painful...humiliating is a better word.

However, I can't speak for those who ummm...well that have enough to *cough* flatten, because I couldn't figure out how they were going to even get *cough* mine in the...

I'm not even going there!



Lia

I was part of a pilot project here in the UK, where women over 50 are tested routinely, by having regular (annual!) mammograms for several years after I was 40. So I have got quite used to them, though I am sure sometimes the nurse just winds up that extra bit of pressure out of sheer spite! Being of 'ample' proportions, I often find they need to do extra pictures to get everything in..... Anyway, hope it all goes (went?) OK for you - any discomfort is soon forgotten and if it catches anything nasty early, the benefit of being able to get it treated and have a longer life makes it all worthwhile.

Here's a Mammogram poem to help ease the pain....

The Mammogram Poem
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line,)
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vice!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2: Visit your garage at 3am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your Mammogram!

And just a thought for all you women out there: MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

And when we have real problems, it's HISterectomy!

Send this to all the women you know, and brighten their day!

P.S. Don't forget the "GUY"necologist!

Helen, I'm rolling! I've just copied these and emailed my coworkers. How do you expect me to get any work done this way?



Lia

I'm in tears Helen!! Too damn funny!!

Thanks for the adivce everyone!! I'm going in just a bit to have it done...and if nothing else, I'll be laughing because of the mental picture of my friends smashing my tits in the refrigerator door.

I had a base line mamogram done when I was 30. It wasn't really all that bad. It is not something I would want to have done every week by any means, but its not something to be afraid of.
I wont lie and tell you that it isnt a bit uncomfortable. Kinda does feel like the frozen metal bookends lol.
Just don't worry about it and all will be fine