Follow-up to my polls... a question

Here's a hypothetical situation:

You've been with your partner for several months, and over that time they've gone cold on you 3 times. Now they say they love you, but 2 weeks ago they said they didn't love you. They say when you get irritated by them, it effects their feelings for you. They say they love you now and want to work things out, but you have to accept their feelings for you will not be constant.

What would you say and/or do?

ask lots of questions and talk with your partner.

ask yourself lots of deep questions like:

Do you want to be with this person for the rest of your life?

Do you love this person? If so, why?

Do you know deep down that there are always some pitfalls or rainy days in a relationship?

Have you been expecting more out of this relationship than your partner? (only a few months old?)

Did you rush into it?

Maybe end it amicably and move on to greener pastures?

If you're asking yourself questions - chances are it's not the one...

Thats my experience anyway -- I could be wrong.

Maybe I've read too many relationship books, or been burned too many times, or am too old to fiddle with someone who can't love me everyday, but it's a hard situation.

It seems to me that if a guy says his feelings for me won't ever be constant, it's a sure sign he isn't the one. Yeah I'm the type of person who is looking for a husband, and I'm old fashioned. I am 30 and never been married because I won't marry someone unless I feel positive they are the right one. You can never be sure, but it seems with this guy warning signs are being thrown up left and right.

So there, I should have my answer, but then I love the guy. When he DOES "love" me he's the best. He's made me feel more secure, warm, and loved than anyone I've ever known, but after being burned 3 times by him, can I feel that secure again knowing I can expect another burning at any given moment? He's practically guaranteeing it?

He thinks I ask too much of him... that I am trying to be unreasonable. I don't think so though. I think these threads are 1/2 for my own sanity and reassurance. It's so hard to say no and walk away because I love the guy so much, but I thik I'm doing the most rational thing and the right thing.

from my experience it is better to be happy alone than unhappy with someone.

Wait for the right one.

He openly says his feelings for you "won't be consistant", he's burned you three times (with a fourth burn pending), he thinks you ask to much of him... this guy is not husband material. Even if he says he loves you I wouldn't take him too seriously, since this isn't a very loving track record.
I've met guys* like this. They have some kind, loving girl that they're kinda sorta seeing but they're never fully commited. Oftentimes they're quite blunt about not being fully committed, but the girl waits patiently for him to "change". He doesn't. He has a bait and switch thing going, where he provides enough "love" to keep you involved, but never enough to keep you secure. Even if he reaches a point in his life where he's ready to settle down, it will likely be with another woman, as he's lost respect for the "good" girl who's put up with his ambivilance.

I know it's not easy to leave someone you're attached to- but think of it this way- each day you spend with him is a day that could have been spent meeting new people. Or as the cliche goes "You won't find Mr. Right if you're hanging with Mr. Wrong"

I hope I didn't sound to rude or like an obnoxious know-it-all. Please be careful and don't let him you anymore.

*I've also met women who played similar games with men- it sometimes works the other way too

No, not rude at all. You're telling me exactly what my head is screaming at me this whole time. I know you're right. I've cut him off. Hearing others say it's right just drives the nail in more firmly for me..... and it'll help get me through another day. It's been a tough couple weeks with this going on, a death in my family, and a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee (6k miles) in the shop with a dead transmission. It's starting to make me do crazy things like reach out to strangers on an internet forum.

*edit - and for the record, 7 months. The first two "burns" came towards the beginning of our relationship. Two weeks ago if he'd asked me, I'd have married him. The relationship was that good in my eyes, at that point. One can only take being dropped so many times though.

Not at all wrong, my experience tells me the exact same thing....Perfect advice.