Not that anyone cares...but an explanation for my edginess

My posts seem to be a bit more vinegar and alot less honey today. Not to excuse my brashness but this has been a monumental week already. Not long ago I had some extensive jaw surgery and due to the fact that my jaw was popping everytime I moved it they had to go back and fix a couple of masticating difficulties...which have left me sore and irritated not to mention drugged.

Besides that, I have been on a ten year search for my real father and today of all days I found him, well he found me searching for him. My brain is still processing years of hate and preconcieved notions. He was much nicer than I expected which made it hard for me to unleash years of frustration and hatred on him. I never met him. My mother left him when I was 3 months old. So the between her stories of him and my own youthful conjurings, he became a monster in my brain...the boogie man incarnate. But it turned out far different than planned and I am left far more confused than before.

So I will likely refrain from the forums for a bit...not that anyone really cares but if I happened to be offensive I hope that no one takes it too seriously. And I hope you all can understand that we are all vulnerable...even those of us without a sense of humor.

We all have our cranky days. I know I do, and fairly often. I usually send myself to the time out chair for a bit too. Sounds like you have plenty of good reasons to be on edge today! I can't begin to imagine how emotionally draining and confusing it must be to reconnect with your father after all this time. Hopefully it will help you find some perspective. Feel better soon! And don't beat yourself up for not being in good humor today. It's very understandable. I think an hour is plenty of time in the time out chair so don't stay away too long

Hey Isis,

It's great that you have made the connection with your father. I can quite understand your confused reaction, but I am sure that all your preconceptions will melt away very quickly, and you will reach a new perception, which will be all to the good.

It was courageous of you to make the effort, and I am sure that ultimately it will prove to have been worth it.

Uhm, what posts are you referring to?

Isis, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Do not let the rants of someone else drag you down. That was the intended result.

I am sorry to hear that you had such a bad day and had to end it with the insensitive treatment you were given. Congrats on finding your father. I can only imagine the internal conflict and turmoil you must be experiencing. I would guess that upon reflection it will be much better that he is a nice guy instead of the other way around. Maybe this is the start of something good that the two of you can build on and more importantly maybe this will be the beginning of a healing from the hatred that is inside of you. Think of how free you will be if you can let go of it!

If I were with you in RL I would give you a big ole hug and tell you that things will get better. Hang in there and have faith.

I still love you.

Thanks sweethearts...the past couple of days have been a wild ride but I feel much better about everything. Hugs to all of you too

I dont know my father either. I'm not dying to meet him but I dont think he's a monster or anything. I'm thinking that maybe I will look him up when I move out of mom's place.
According to the phone book he lives within walking distance, lol, and I've been around his place a lot of times. I wouldn't recognize him though. I've seen wedding pics but they're 25 years old.

Eggy,

Hope you do one day. The trouble with leaving things too long is sometimes that people die, and all your future possibilities vanish.

Ugg hun i know what being fatherless is like...my father left when i was 3 years old due to being a womanizer my mother wasn't gonna have that so...she made my dads life a living hell,holding him back from not seeing us because of child support he owed my mother..so i guess they made an agreement to have him spend sundays with us kids everything was cool up till i was 13 years,when my mother decided to uproot us and move and not telling my dad whom was on the road (he was a trucker)..so i was heart broken for many years when i was 26 i asked my mother for my fathers SS# my best friends are private investigators who i asked if they could track down my dad because i was curious is he was dead or alive so they found him for me and gave me an address and phone turns out he lived 4 hours away from me..i called and made arrangments to meet, he met my daughter and tears filled our eyes and we talked and laughed, we spend the whole week together with my fatherm i had asked my father to keep in touch with me and i would do the same..LOL well wouldn't you know it he took off again no phone number no forwarding address needless to say i was hurt all over again here i am 37 and still no word from my father..i know part of the reason why he is running he is being sought after for back child support from his second wife..i don't know if he is dead or alive now,part of me still loves my dad(choking on tears) and other part just does not care and is angry

One day at a time "Godess of Protection"!

I was adopted at age 3 and always knew it. Had to love the Cabbage Patch jokes !!!

Looked up my fam and found them when I was 25. Now I'm related to literally like half the city! Now got 4 brothers, 3 sisters, and countless cousins P

Woulda came in handy growin up as an only child fightin half the Burg

Shared your confusion hun, don't let it stand in your way of makin up lost time

As for your venting and what not, feel free to look me up and holla!!! I'll be your beating-bitch-boy, we all need to get the shit off our chest sometimes!!!!

Love and happiness to you always dear!!!!!!!

Aces,

Hugs. I'm sure that whatever issues he might have, that week he spent with you and your daughter show that whatever else he has problems with, he loves you. And that week is probably a treasured memory he will always hold precious in his mind.

*holds back the tears* you are probably right Ty

Huggs you big Aces...Sis you know, in some ways it probably made both of us stronger people...But it still hurts. If you ever want to cry together I'm here for ya...or I could fly out there with a punching bag . Luv ya.

hehe...ohhh I have always wanted one of those Johnny...ask for one every year for christmas...and people say wishes never come true Thank you sweets.