Understanding Engineers - Take Three

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Lol

Here is one for you Lector.

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "What! An Engineer! Your're in the wrong place! Beat it!"

So, he goes down to hell, and gets settled in. But he soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, even air conditioning, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"

Satat replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next!"

God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake-- he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!

Satan replies, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue your shiny red pants off!"

"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies, "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!?"

HaHa brilliant!

Too Funny, hehehe Brilliant

An accountant, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The accountant said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Scary.....but true..

My Dad sends me an either an engineering or a reservation joke a week - sometimes it makes me sorry I set him up with his iMac. This was last weeks:

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.

A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the centre line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.

i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds...10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8, .....D/2n)

The question is, when will they meet at the middle?

The mathematician said that they would never meet.

The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity.

The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.

Aside: I actually trained as an engineer for about a year, up until I realized I hated the way the program worked. Then I redesigned my schedule from the ground up.

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You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you enjoy pain.

. . . you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”

. . . you've actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.

. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.

. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in “math.”

. . . you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.”

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.”

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you'll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.

. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.

. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.

. . . you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be.

i have no idea what that means but it sounds so much like SL.

there's one to remember. cut that bad boy in half!

Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.