These forums are CLOSED. Please visit the new forums HERE
Anyone having an illicit affair in SL? |
|
Kitty Colville
Registered User
Join date: 1 Aug 2006
Posts: 10
|
08-16-2006 21:29
I'm a newbie. Is it possible to have an affair in SL when you have a partner in RL - and how would your RL partner feel about that? Must be pretty weird for them. Not that I want to do it or anything - I just heard you can have sex 'in world'. Is that cheating? Must be pretty intense since you have to spend a certain amount of time with your SL partner - and surely your RL partner would get jealous? Unless he / she didn't know of course.
|
Flavian Molinari
Broadly Offensive Content
![]() Join date: 1 Aug 2004
Posts: 662
|
08-16-2006 21:39
No, but I made a pass at Lexie Linden and she ignored me.
Lexie, Please make cyber love to me. I'm really good. I can type with one hand even. |
Kitty Colville
Registered User
Join date: 1 Aug 2006
Posts: 10
|
08-16-2006 21:41
No, but I made a pass at Lexie Linden and she ignored me. Lexie, Please make cyber love to me. I'm really good. I can type with one hand even. Oh no. Poor you. |
jessika Taggart
Registered User
Join date: 3 Apr 2006
Posts: 29
|
Many Assumptions - My personal thoughts
08-16-2006 21:42
Hi,
I read your note and had a sense of "wow". You mentioned many things that could be true and could potentially harm your relationship in either first or secondlife. Affairs happen in the head and heart, and yes, with that in mind, regardless of where you are, you can be engaged in an affair. In my thoughts, an affair is something kept secret from someone else. It is a serious, intimate relationship that is kept private and hidden. An affair could devastate the party being kept in the dark. The assumptions in my opinion come from the idea of relationships being singularly defined by one set of standards rather than looking at the possibilities that are endlessly being defined and redefined by each partner and every relationship that occurs. For example, I am online, engaged in a relationship that is polygamous. My partner online is married and his wife is also online with him. He and she are both very good friends of mine. Not only that, he also has relationships with two other women, very good friends of mine as well. In addition to all this information, I am also married myself, and very secure and happy in my marriage. My husband is very supportive of my online relationships and considers them positive and good for me. He encourages them. I use a laptop in the bed sitting next to him. There isn't much "hiding" going on. What would hurt me is a situation where any of the above special people in my life began doing something uniquely separate from my relationship with them and did NOT disclose it. Then I would be upset and offended. Trust would be breached. Everyone defines their needs differently. Some people are sincerely and seriously monogamous. This is their need and they follow it to the letter. Other people have other needs. You have to figure out what you need and what you're able to share online and offline, and discuss it openly with all who would be affected. That's the key. One more assumption that hit me was this, and something I believe I alluded to earlier. Intimacy does not have to equal sex. Intimacy is a close trusting bond that develops between two people. You can be engaged in a close personal bond exclusive from your partner, and be "cheating" as you phrased it, if and only if you're hiding such information from your other special people. Life is defined one moment at a time. Second Life presents a community and environment where almost anything can be imagined and anything can be pretended. The truth though, behind every shiny toy and glinting light is that there are people there, typing or flying, morphing or yiffing, and they have feelings. When you become involved, be honest. It really is the best policy. One last thought. Please be careful how you judge and what you judge. As I said, everyone has needs. My needs are different than yours are. I would hope that you would let me be me and I would let you be you. If you met me in person, you'd find my personality and my actions align with what I've shared. Have a blessed and pleasant day. jes |
Tilly Li
Registered User
Join date: 16 Aug 2006
Posts: 5
|
08-16-2006 21:53
One more assumption that hit me was this, and something I believe I alluded to earlier. Intimacy does not have to equal sex. Intimacy is a close trusting bond that develops between two people. You can be engaged in a close personal bond exclusive from your partner, and be "cheating" as you phrased it, if and only if you're hiding such information from your other special people.
Hi Jessika, I understand what you're saying - and I'm not judging you personally - how can I when I don't know you. I was just interested to know. I agree with you to a point, but whether sex is or isn't involved, the fact is that in RL, if you have an intimate relationship with someone else which goes beyond friendship, it could be hard for your partner, and having relationships with other people in SL could be viewed in the same light by some - but it works for you. |
Wendel Gascoigne
Registered User
Join date: 19 May 2005
Posts: 226
|
08-17-2006 01:10
Before you guys answer, I think it should be mentioned that Kitty Colville, under cover of being a newbie, is a journalist for a UK women's mag. A nice one to talk to at that but just not your average innocent SL newbie.
She has approached the forum before with the idea of doing a story on love in SL going to RL (I was talking with her about that) then dropped it. And now she is asking about illicit affairs, which I guess is a more exciting subject to publish. So just be thoughtful about how much you give away... Wendel |
Coyote Momiji
Pintsized Plutonium
Join date: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 715
|
08-17-2006 01:13
Before you guys answer, I think it should be mentioned that Kitty Colville, under cover of being a newbie, is a journalist for a UK women's mag. A nice one to talk to at that but just not your average innocent SL newbie. She has approached the forum before with the idea of doing a story on love in SL going to RL (I was talking with her about that) then dropped it. And now she is asking about illicit affairs, which I guess is a more exciting subject to publish. So just be thoughtful about how much you give away... Wendel Nice. I don't have a lot of respect for that sort of tactic, so I'll just ignore her. Thanks for the heads up. |
Lorelei Patel
was here
Join date: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 1,940
|
08-17-2006 01:20
Before you guys answer, I think it should be mentioned that Kitty Colville, under cover of being a newbie, is a journalist for a UK women's mag. Is that true, Kitty? If so, one journalist to another, shame. I don't know what the ethical standards are in the UK, but here in the US, at least where I work, that would get me a swift kick out the door. _____________________
============
Broadly offensive. |
windozer Vargas
Registered User
Join date: 6 Feb 2006
Posts: 99
|
08-17-2006 01:21
STUPID ***** JOURNALISTS GO MAKE YOUR TESTS WITH YOURSELF AND STOP PLAYING WITH PEOPLE.
|
Wendel Gascoigne
Registered User
Join date: 19 May 2005
Posts: 226
|
08-17-2006 01:25
Is that true, Kitty? Oh it is. Catherine Linden knows her name. She first requested an interview through the Lindens and then joined into this thread: That's cool - congratulations on the baby on the way! I'd love to know more since I'm a writer and naturally nosey... In fact, would you be interested in sharing your story if I wanted to write about it? Totally understand if not, but I think it's fab that you met in SL and now have a baby on the way in RL. And I love that she was so competitive in SL when you met! I guess she was a challenge?! When the discussion went offline, she told me which mag she works for... As I said above, that story has since been dropped. Wendel |
Coyote Momiji
Pintsized Plutonium
Join date: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 715
|
08-17-2006 01:27
Betcha she's also Tilly Li.
|
Albion DeVaux
DeVoid of DeVotion
![]() Join date: 8 Aug 2006
Posts: 173
|
08-17-2006 01:32
Is that true, Kitty? If so, one journalist to another, shame. I don't know what the ethical standards are in the UK, but here in the US, at least where I work, that would get me a swift kick out the door. Our journalists don't have any ethical standards. Try reading one of our tabloids sometime. Editor of a popular Sunday is currently in court in fact, charged with hacking into phone messages. So this under-hand trick is hardly surprising. Albion |
Lewis Nerd
Nerd by name and nature!
![]() Join date: 9 Oct 2005
Posts: 3,431
|
08-17-2006 02:11
Big difference between a national newspaper and a "celebrity gossip women's mag".
I guess, though, facts aren't relevant when it comes to news that sells. Lewis _____________________
Second Life Stratics - your new premier resource for all things Second Life. Free to join, sign up today!
Pocket Protector Projects - Rosieri 90,234,84 - building and landscaping services |
Albion DeVaux
DeVoid of DeVotion
![]() Join date: 8 Aug 2006
Posts: 173
|
08-17-2006 02:18
Big difference between a national newspaper and a "celebrity gossip women's mag". I guess, though, facts aren't relevant when it comes to news that sells. Lewis Most of our national newspapers are celebrity gossip mags. Albion |
Richie Waves
Predictable
Join date: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 1,424
|
08-17-2006 02:30
Cheating is Cheating, period.
_____________________
no u!
|
Axel Truss
ssurT lexA
Join date: 2 Feb 2006
Posts: 251
|
08-17-2006 02:57
oh yes im having an afffair....why would anyone admit it...god some ppl
_____________________
MANIC CASINO!
|
Scarlet Singer
Pwnie of Richie
Join date: 30 Sep 2005
Posts: 124
|
08-17-2006 04:24
He that cheats once
![]() But then again I thought the article was going to be about SL/RL Love?, meh figures. |
Alazarin Mondrian
Teh Trippy Hippie Dragon
![]() Join date: 4 Apr 2005
Posts: 1,549
|
08-17-2006 05:09
My alts are all having affairs with each other and every time I log on I catch them cybering like crazed rabbits on viagra.
![]() _____________________
My stuff on Meta-Life: http://tinyurl.com/ykq7nzt
http://www.myspace.com/alazarinmobius http://slurl.com/secondlife/Crescent/72/98/116 |
Alazarin Mondrian
Teh Trippy Hippie Dragon
![]() Join date: 4 Apr 2005
Posts: 1,549
|
08-17-2006 05:11
As for the prigs who are obsessed about loyalty and 'cheating': if a relationship's that bad that one or other 'partner' cheats, then it's as good as dead and all parties might as well call it a day and move on.
_____________________
My stuff on Meta-Life: http://tinyurl.com/ykq7nzt
http://www.myspace.com/alazarinmobius http://slurl.com/secondlife/Crescent/72/98/116 |
Beau Perkins
Second Life Resident.
![]() Join date: 25 Dec 2003
Posts: 1,061
|
08-17-2006 06:01
He that cheats once ![]() But then again I thought the article was going to be about SL/RL Love?, meh figures. Untrue, some people need maturity. I got married young, and admit I had been unfaithful to my wife. I still loved her greatly though. I matured and never had any type of sexual relationship with anyone besides my wife in years and never will again. I realized what a special union I had. I came clean to her, she was hurt, and I had to regain trust, but now we are stronger for it. Life lesson learned. As far as SL. You do not need physical contact to be "cheating". I also had a SL relationship. I did this openly with my wife knowledge. Eventually I found myself sharing things I should only be sharing with my wife, such as thoughts from the heart, secrets, and had a sense of getting attached. I quickly realized I was playing with fire. I was not only putting my own emotions on a thin line but the person on the other end of the computer. So I broke off the SL relationship in order not to put my marrage in any jeapordy. I still ended up hurting someone, but there was no way out of that. Another lesson learned. _____________________
|
Ingrid Ingersoll
Archived
![]() Join date: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 4,601
|
08-17-2006 06:20
Siggy Romulus cybers himself.
_____________________
|
Musicteacher Rampal
Registered User
Join date: 20 Feb 2004
Posts: 824
|
08-17-2006 06:57
The answer is yes! I strongly recommend making sure your RL partner is ok with cyber before embarking.
a couple years ago I became very attached to someone I met in SL. We never used the sex balls or anything but we did get very descriptive in our conversations if you know what I mean. My hubby got suspicious of all the time I was spending online and installed spy-ware without my knowing and I was busted. It almost ruined our marriage. Looking back now I don't have a clue why I did it. Thankfully with counselling our marriage is better than ever and we have a beautiful 7 month old little girl. Lesson: even online cheating is cheating. If you value your RL relationship, don't do it. |
rain Bradley
Registered User
Join date: 29 May 2006
Posts: 117
|
08-17-2006 07:57
Before you guys answer, I think it should be mentioned that Kitty Colville, under cover of being a newbie, is a journalist for a UK women's mag. A nice one to talk to at that but just not your average innocent SL newbie. She has approached the forum before with the idea of doing a story on love in SL going to RL (I was talking with her about that) then dropped it. And now she is asking about illicit affairs, which I guess is a more exciting subject to publish. So just be thoughtful about how much you give away... Wendel Thank you Wendel...shame people have to resort to that kind of journalism...gives the real journalists a bad name.... rain |